For Colored Boys Only...

For Colored Boys Only

 By: Alicia Williams

Yea I know him,

He used to be a star athlete unlike any other…

Slanging balls across courts and fields, calling teammates his brother…

Stayed off of the block until Uncle Sam got his mother, then crack met her veins and the two became lovers…

So the corner recruited him, took his speed to the next level, experience turned his mother’s sweet Angel into a dope boy devil…

School became distant, even when his coaches tried to save him, as money changed hands, so did his label…

So he calls himself a hustler now… dope boy slanging…

Slanging dope on his dope corner, in his dope hood, wearing dope boys with his dope boys, slanging speech like the words of a high school drop out but smarter than the king pin is…

New found dope dealer, young leader, reciting words from Malcolm and Garvey instead of Hova and Big...

Articulating thoughts of the life he lives, being paid by an audience of listeners who call cops to shut down his shop, organizing youth interventions to get him off of their block…
 

When all he’s trying to do is feed the hunger inside of him, watch the back of the boy who claims he’ll ride or die for him, feed the mouth of the woman who loves him despite of him…

No one knows what it’s like to be a boy of the streets, fighting for life on a block so hot that it’s not safe for this feat, witnessing genocide in a hood forgotten about by peace, slaving so his seeds won’t have to bop to his beat…

Dying for any dj to give him shade from this heat…

Yea I know him, I heard he got shot seven times…

Pronounced dead by doctors, but somehow survived…

Paralyzed from the waist down, to a wheel chair confined...

Rolling around the hood as a victim, all as a result of a life of crime.

Blessed with brains and skills unlike any of his kind.
He tried to make it, but his best talent wasn’t his rhymes...

Solely dependent on lyrics and dimes.

School would’ve been his outlet if he had just given it time.
Now this dope boy is a young man searching for a life to define.

Another story of a colored boy who could've made it, but went after the wrong grind.

MY BLACK MEN... OUR YOUNG BOYS NEED MENTORS!!! #FACT.

Where's My Life Jacket?

Good day... well, evening beautiful people.  It is outside of my  normal blog hours.  I usually get randomly inspired throughout the day.  However, this particular blog entry is a little bit different.  This one didn't transpire because of a situation, tweet, or facebook status.  This one is  a little bit more personal than usual.  After all, my whole purpose of starting this blog was to release my thoughts; so why not share something with you all that has been lingering within my head in regards to... well, me.  Lately, I’ve been feeling consumed.  Consumed with what?  That I'm not exactly sure.  I don't think it's with any one thing in particular, but with life in general.  I feel myself approaching a new phase of maturity and growth.  No this isn’t due to a man or a traumatic life event, I’m just beginning to feel as if I’m over the current phase of life that I’ve been living for the past few years.  I was born and raised in Baltimore.  Went to school in D.C and have been riding the wave that is the nation's capitol for the past 8 years.  Frankly, I think I'm beginning to outgrow the Baltimore/D.C. metropolitan area.  I’m over seeing the same faces and the same people whether on a club/lounge outing, at a happy hour, during a random sight-seeing stroll, or a solo shopping venture.

One problem is that I’ve been dying for a vacation for the absolute longest.  Between my thesis which has been ridiculously drawn out by lazy professors, a track team of 30 plus high school girls that I've been running completely on my own for the past 3 years, a variety of career adventures and part-time jobs in an attempt to find my passion, volunteering once a week following long workdays, and making myself accessible to my family who resides less than 15/20 minutes away from me.... I find myself digging for time to do and discover anything truly fulfilling.  Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the busy.  I love grinding and doing things meaningful.  I completely understand that timing is everything and that God has a plan.  I LOVE my life, my friends, my family.  I LOVE my new found career in higher education.  I LOVE the girls who I coach and the lives that I've changed.  However, I think that it is time.  I can't put my finger on what it is time for exactly... but indeed it is time for a change to occur in this phase of my life.

Since graduating from Howard in 2007, I've always wanted to scratch the itch of relocating from this area.  I never had the desire to move anywhere drastically far.  I still would like to be in a 4 hour or less driving distance per say.  I have a few places in mind where I still have good friends, which honestly, the blessing that is Howard University is that I've met people who currently reside everywhere.  But the cities that I have in mind are indeed that, cities.  I am an east coast, city lights, downtown skyline type of girl.  I'd lose my mind living in the deep south for too long *straight face*.  The places I have in mind still heavily carry the things I love to do.  For instance, I consider myself a "free spirit"... an artisty/creative side resides in me that I hardly ever get to explore.  And when I do try to explore it, I have to ride solo.  I want to be in a city where I can tap into that side by attending open mic nights, live band performances, museums etc; being able to talk about and share my excitement for these things with fellow onlookers.  Finding others who are truly interested in that stuff is a difficult task.  I would basicially need to engulf myself in that scene to find a consistent partner to venture out into these things with, without feeling as if I had to coax someone into attending.  By moving to a new city, I would be forced to step outside of my comfort zone and find others with like-interest.  My friends here will NEVER be replaced but because I have a circle that I've known since high school, along with us attending college together, I feel no need to meet any new ones really.  At this age, there really isn't a need for new friends and Lord knows finding my true circle wasn't the easiet; I just have this need for new adventures.  

I love all that is Baltimore/DC.  This is a GREAT area to live in, and I would probably move back eventually.  However, I'd like to see what other cities have to offer.  At this point in my life, I have no kids, no husband, nothing tying me down.  This is the time to scratch that itch that has been bugging me since 2007.  I have a few friends who just took a chance, picked up everything and moved.  I've never been much of a risk taker in life, so doing that is honestly something very difficult for me.  I'm a Pisces.  By nature, I dream bigger than most but don't act on them.   That of course is something I'm trying to change, and I have done a good job of doing so.  Everything that I've been working towards is currently right at my fingertips... including relocating.  I somewhat attribute this strong desire that I have to move away to the strong desire that I have to simply take a long vacation.  It could be that I simply need a moment away from everything, and my inclination for relocating is me trying to escape something.  It could be that I'm trying to move away, hoping that my responsibilities will lessen.  It could be that I'm trying to move away, yearning for something different to take place in my life so that I can say that I'm doing something different this year than last.  

Everyday I find myself giving someone else encouraging words, yet I have trouble at times finding the optimism in my own situations.  I have some friends who I spoke with this about, who have said "do it!" and others who oppose... but at the end of the day, this has nothing to do with anyone but Alicia.  I may be able to find substitutes for this itch that I've been having by possibly taking a real break for once.  Something I don't know how to do well lol, actually break!  Maybe I am taking the wrong approach and jumping at it too fast... or maybe this is a part of God's plan.  Maybe this is him giving me good timing.  Here I am in other blog entries of mine, telling you all to take risks and chances while I find myself slowly trying to talk myself out of what's burning inside of me.  Ultimately, I don't know what the future holds, and I'd rather not guess.  All I can do is continue living my life the best way I know how from my 26 years of experience... of trial and error.  The only one who has an answer for this dilemma of mine, is me.  I need to honestly look within.  I've learned to embrace the wind, whichever way it blows me, and now it may be time to just jump into the waters and go where ever the river flows.  After all, I am a water sign... I swim pretty well... but everyone could use a life jacket at some point in their life.

It's a Different World... Than Where We Come From!

I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was a crisp and cool Fall evening.  Me and about 10 other classmates of mine sat bored to death in a Public Relations course being held in a small classroom in the Liberal Arts building of Towson University.  Towson, a predominantly white public institution, has been branded as one of the better schools for a quality education in the state of Maryland... but this is debatable in my eyes after the ordeals I've had to face there as a graduate student.  Anywho, my professor (who shall remain nameless) began talking about colleges and universities in the PR world.  My classmate, a graduate of Morgan State University, raised his hand and began to so very eloquently discuss the lack of media attention that H.B.C.U's receive.  My professor sat atop one of the desk in the room with a puzzled look as my classmate continued to speak, puzzled as if he were trying to decipher the language that my classmate was speaking.  Then my professor, a man who has been a professor for years, a man who carries a Ph.D, waited until my classmate finished, then asked... "what are H.C.B.B.U's? Did I say it correctly?"  NO YOU DID NOT SIR!  I know my face dropped, as did my classmate who had just finished speaking.  My other classmates weren't phased by this ridiculous question that a man who carries a Ph.D and stands as a professor of higher-ed in a state that is home to 3, basically 4 if you count Howard since it's in DC, historically black colleges and universities.  In a class of about 12, there were only 2 of us who where black, and we both coincidentally attended H.B.C.U's.  I, Howard, and him Morgan.  Offended, appalled, confused... I'm not sure how I felt.  But at that point, he completely lost any and all credibility and respect from me.

Yesterday, my Alma mater, the illustrious Howard University turned 144 years old.  Standing only one year younger than Towson University where my ill-knowledged professor taught, and where I now attend to for my Master's degree.  This blog entry is obviously dedicated to historically black colleges and universities.  Oh how I love them!  In high school, I remember wanting to attend the huge predominantly white institutions off of the mere fact that their basketball teams made the NCAA tourney.  Then in my sophomore year, I went on a visit to Hampton Institute (haha) and fell in love with the black college world.  I immediately went home and begin to research H.B.C.U's.  I talked to my mother about it, and she went out and got me a book that listed every HBCU in the nation and its information.  The more I broke down my criteria for my college education and researched, the more I realized which one was best for me.  This led to thee BEST decision I've made thus far in my life... to attend Howard University.  

Aside from loving my alma mater, I am in love with historically black colleges and universities and what they represent.  And my experiences at Towson have solidified those feelings.  I remember getting into deep conversations in high school where "friends" of mine would say dumb things like

"you can't get the real world experience at a black school".  

Now I'm not one who folds under peer pressure, so I wasn't phased.  I was more so amused by the stupidity.   I was completely confident in my choice despite the critics.  Plus I had wonderful family support in wanting to attend Howard.  I come from a family of HBCU graduates.  My mother, Coppin State University, my aunt and other cousins, North Carolina Central University, cousins on my mom's side, North Carolina A & T, cousins on my dad side, Morgan State University... and the lineage continues with my younger cousins and little sister.  HBCU's carry real world qualities that are damn near impossible to achieve at predominantly white institutions.

My professors at Howard could tell it like it is!
 

There was no sugar-coating for the sake of someone being offended in my college classrooms.  No dancing around a topic like I have experienced in my classes at Towson where everyone is afraid to talk because they don't want to offend the black kids.  Or I received the extreme opposite at times, where they would say whatever the hell they felt like saying with no respect for other ethnicities.  My professors would tell us straight up what we may have to face because of the color of our skin in the working world, and how to not lose ourselves and our integrity because of it.  My professors allowed us to come to their offices and just talk about life, ask questions, discuss any and every thing without passing judgment.  My professors, my counselors, my career advisers, did everything in their power to make sure we were trained to be better than the next, white or black.  They helped us get those internships and jobs through personal connections.  

I wrote an article while at Howard for Black College View's online newspaper about predominantly black institutions versus predominantly black ones; therefore, I ended up having to interview various students.  I interviewed teammates of mine who transferred from the big white schools, one the University of Tennessee and one the University of Pittsburgh.  I also interviewed a white guy on campus who was fairly popular and a member of the swim team.  My teammates explained how transferring to Howard was the best decision that they could've made.  That their professors and counselors at Howard all acted as if they really wanted them to do well and succeed while they received no sort of guidance at their former schools.  On the contrary, in talking to the white student, he felt that he was treated differently because he was white.  He felt that students looked at him funny on a daily basis.  I sympathized with him to an extent, but I also thought "welcome to our world on a daily basis." 

Oddly enough, that young man ended up transferring.  Not all HBCU's have a mix of students.  We did because the graduate programs and schools that we had, along with our hospital.  But regardless of the student mix, the faculty help is there.  You can always find someone willing to be in your corner for the long run.  I am now in my final year at Towson (I pray), and I recently ran into a situation where I needed a new chair for my thesis.  I could not get a professor, a director, anyone to answer any of my emails or phone calls for help.  For weeks I tried.  Then I finally scrolled through the faculty list, and emailed the ONE black professor in my department... who also received her Ph.D for an HBCU (HU *toot*toot).  After nearly a month of trying to get someone to help me, the one black professor responded to email in less than 24hours.  Everything continues to add to my beliefs.  Now I'm not saying you must attend an HBCU for all levels of your education, but having it in there somewhere can be life changing.  It's a true college experience.

Coming from an HBCU I feel more confident in myself and my abilities.  I understand how important it is to maintain my integrity and how my color is sometimes a factor, yet I can not let that get to my head.  In high school, I went through the same stigmas in attending an all-girl school.  The notion that I was somehow "missing out" on the real world.  But what people fail to understand is that being in a situation where you are not the minority for once is empowering.  The self-esteem that you gain and pride that you attain is remarkable.  According to the public, I shouldn't have any idea of how to handle the real world.   Poor Alicia, went to an all girl, then an all black school.  Yea right, I know how to handle situations better than most.  And now I am a professor myself, determined to give my students the support that I received at Howard and didn't receive at Towson. 

My friends, graduates of schools where they were the majority are killing the friends of mine who went with the "real world".  Just as in the "real world" your left to fend for yourself.  So they're still digging, trying to figure out how to get to the top, while my friends and I were shown how to duck and dodge, and make it there.  We were taught that mediocre is NOT an option.  You CAN and you WILL do BETTER.  Of course, all that I say here doesn't apply to every person and every situation.  I know people doing great things on all ends, black and white schools... but getting help a long the way is never a bad thing.  It just bothers me when I hear black adults today say that they don't want their kids attending a black school.  How dare you be a black person and look down on what your people have built so that your kids even have a choice of education today?  If blacks schools aren't your thing, then so be it but do not dare belittle all of them because of your own ignorance.  These HBCU's were at the forefront of producing a lot of the civil rights movements and great leaders that changed this country.  So here I stand as a proud graduate and supporter of an historically black college and university.  Happy Belated Birthday Howard University.  HBCU's I salute you!

List of HBCU's -- White House Initiatve

http://www2.ed.gov/about/inits/list/whhbcu/edlite-list.html

Bet My Cloud Is Bigger Than Your Cloud!

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." ~ Maya Angelou

HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! I feel as if it's been so long since we've spoken.  Comcast finally caught on to my illegal internet usage and locked the connection.   This is why I've been m.i.a. from blogging.  Today, I strapped up with my laptop at hand, found free wifi, a quiet corner (well, it was quiet sometimes), a plug, a desk, and inspiration to write.  It's another manic Monday, which we all like to call the dreaded first day of the official work week.  On top of it being Monday, it's gloomy out, warm, but gloomy.  It's been raining for majority of the day and the sky has been filled with these huge black clouds that appear as if they're going to release a vicious storm anytime now.  For me, today was supposed to be a day of relaxation.  Life gets so busy and hectic that I'm hardly ever able to truly take a moment to myself.  So I decided to make today that day, gloomy or not.  I don't have track with the kiddies, and I decided to cancel class today seeing that my students just took a quiz on Friday.  Of course there were still a few errands to run and things to be tended to, but ultimately I have most of today to do as I please.

Late this morning, prior to the rain falling, I made a Walmart trip (Walmart always seems to find a way into my day).  As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed this huge, dark, highly intimidating cloud hovering over my current space.  It was very humid outside and to my knowledge, humidity plus rain clouds equal horrible thunderstorms... tornados even.  I immediately started to hurry and try to park, grab my things, and frantically scurry into the Walmart.  I watched as everyone else in the parking lot had the same idea.  Folks were running to their cars and to the inside of the store as if we were on the verge of a hurricane of some sort... all trying to avoid a storm that hadn't even approached yet.  Regardless of the weather, I had things that I needed to do.  I refused to spend a good part of my morning aimlessly roaming around Walmart waiting for a storm to pass.  If it were going to rain, then so be it.  I had an umbrella, and legs to keep me moving, so as far as I was concerned I was good to go. 

While carrying out my errands amidst this imminent storm, it made me think about something interesting.  As human beings, we are always trying to out run, hide from, or avoid a storm.  As soon as we see a cloud approaching, we suddenly go into a state of panic and shock, losing our head, focus, and sense of how to continue carrying out things in our lives.  We become so worried that it's going to rain on our head that we give up on tasks that we originally intended to complete and that we know we need to.  This applies to a storm in every sense... from an actual rain storm to life's trials and tribulations also known as storms.  Just as with an actual rain storm, no matter how much we try to run and avoid the storm it stills comes if it's supposed to.  And if we are in its path, then we will have to deal with it and attempt to continue our schedule as planned.  Putting your life on hold just because the sky gets cloudy makes absolutely no sense to me, and shouldn't make any sense to you either.  Why  is it that we do this with life storms?  Put our life on hold ya know.  But then once the storm has passed and the sun is shining, we can not truly enjoy the sunlight because we are now having to still carry out the remainder of the task and obligations that we put on hold when the dark cloud showed up.

To make matters worse, we act as if when it rains that the dark cloud is solely hanging over our head and no one else's.  As if everyone is supposed to give us pass after pass for being bitchy, cranky, moody, or melancholy because it's our particular forecast is gloomy at the moment.  Now this is not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes people do simply need their space when it's raining where they are, allow them to deal with their storm how they please... but my pass has a limit.  Go ahead and offer an umbrella.  Rihanna actually had a point when she offered her umbrella-ella-eh-eh to a friend in a rain storm.  Wouldn't you in real life?  In a real storm?  However, don't use your friend and family's understanding heart and hand to capitalize on your "oh woe is me" moments.  Meaning don't take advantage of others' empathy for you or next time when your storm approaches, they won't be so keen to offering you their umbrellas.  Whether intentionally or intentionally, we have a tendency to put what it is that we are dealing with on others as if they could possibly not be facing a storm themselves.  We do this not knowing that we could potentially be adding another cloud to someone else's rain storm.   

Besides, rain can be a beautiful thing. 

It provides food and nourishment to the crops we eat and the flowers us females yearn for on special occasions.  It keeps our reservoirs and lakes filled to provide our drain systems with the water that we cook, clean, and bathe with.  Rain cools us off on those ridiculously humid and hot Summer days when nothing else seems to be working.  Water is what makes our beaches beautiful that we like to visit during spring breaks and other vacations.  Right now, as I type, it is still rainy... still cloudy... still dark and gloomy... but my day must go on.  While walking across the parking lot, I realized the goodness of my day despite the weather.  It's still warm out. I'm still off from work. I still have transportation and good health to even carry out these errands of mine.  And the cloud that rested above my head earlier, actually brought with it a nice breeze that blew from time to time... cooling me off when I got a little overheated from rushing for no reason.

The moral of the story is to embrace the stormy weather when it comes.  You know eventually the sun will shine and the clouds will past.  No matter how you deal with stormy weather, it is inevitable.  It's going to come from time to time whether you like or not.  Instead of always trying to run from the storm and rain, learn how to embrace it.  When dealing with a storm, you want to look at your life for the pluses that still remain.  Look at the light that is still there and try to see God's lesson in living and reason for the rain in the midst of it all.

I have seen quite a few rainy days... but looking at the bigger picture, my life has seen and will continue to see sunshine that is more powerful than any rain storm.  I have full trust in God's plan, whatever it may be.  Yes, at times it is hard to deal with the journey.  Yes, there's a lot that we don't understand, that we shouldn't expect to while the lesson is still in the works.  As long as you know that one day you will.  The sooner you embrace yourself and your forecast, the sooner that day will come.  Look at all that you've overcome thus far, the storms that you have successfully rode out.  You have survived, so there's no need to keep running from storms.  You simply can not outrun them or believe that you can go into hiding with hopes that they'll disappear.  It just won't happen.  That's not how God's forecast works.  There's no need walking around as if the storm cloud is only over your head.  It's raining up and down the east coast as I sit here.  So I challenge you, to grab an umbrella, put on your rain boots, and embrace the rain.  We wouldn't appreciate sunlight like we do if it were always here.  Oddly, there's a peace in the clouds.  Your day will go on with or without you.  Today, I'm turning off my cell phone and embracing the rain storm. 

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

A MUST READ !!!
~quoted from Maya Angelou

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.  I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.  I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.  I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."  I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.  I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.  I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.  I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.  I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.  I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.  I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

...Still On My Poetry Tip.

My journal trips brought me to more poetry... my flow from the past.  I DIG IT, as will you ;)

Not Like Any Other

by Alicia Williams

You see,

I don't wanna classify you as any other male...

because I don't think that you are any other male.

I don't wanna curse you out as if you were here standing in front of me, practicing my non-existent voo-doo skills on the one picture of you that I have by sticking push pins through your face... 

hoping that somehow you'd feel my pain.

I don't wanna X your name out of my life completely before you even become a complete part of my life, completely magnifying or belittling my womanhood.

I don't wanna mistaken my unanswered phone calls and your misleading words of "I'll call you back" as a way of you avoiding or ignoring me.

I don't wanna assume that this is all a game of yours... and I, I am just one of many females, pawns caught up in your chess match.

Well, check mate... you see, I don't wanna have to keep checking mates to see who's real and who's authentic.

Keep checking mates for past and current loves, a trifling history or a f*cked up reputation.

I don't wanna have to keep checking mates at the door before they enter my atmosphere, my spectrum, my personal space.

Before I get caught up in drama over kings and queens in your game of chess... because I, I am about real life.

I don't wanna stereotype you... saying that you are just another squirrel trying to get a nut, screaming "niggas ain't shit!"  Singing bitter love songs relating to sad stories and broken hearts, vowing to myself to never get caught up again.

I don't wanna foresee my future, knowing that you won't call me, that you'll probably stand me up.

I don't wanna lose a pre-existing friendship because of a failed relationship... while trying to lose your friend's ship at the same time, giving you and your homeboys the finger as you cruise away from this paradise.

I don't wanna think that for one minute you were just a waste of my time... another hopeless romantic moment of my life spent daydreaming about a male who was destined to do nothing for me besides more harm than good.

I don't wanna cry endless nights... better yet mornings, evenings or afternoons over you... reminiscing on what we used to be, wishing that you were still mine, feeling dumb because I allowed you to get away with murder.

I don't wanna have to go to my friends to gain moral support... get tips on how to forget about you, or to find out the scoop on the latest girl that you have been spotted with.

I don't wanna have to lie to folks, telling them that we just didn't work out in order to hide the fact that I got played... because pretty educated girls shouldn't get played... 

so I hear.

The point is, 

I don't wanna hurt. I don't wanna hate. I don't wanna believe that you are just like the rest of them... the rest of the millions of males out here in this world, ready to be players and heartbreakers instead of providers and lovemakers.

I don't wanna fall victim to your alleged "excellence".

I wanna know that what I witness and see as potential goodness is genuine... so I can come from behind the wall that past failures have caused me to run behind whenever the going gets tough.

I don't wanna be as hard as the bricks that I hide behind... I want to be vulnerable again and open my heart to a newness that I have yet to experience.
 

I don't wanna make it this far for nothing, because I have a feeling that we maybe onto something.

My intuition keeps telling me not to give up on you, even though my heart, which has been broken more than once is afraid to proceed... willing to stop at any error of yours.

I don't wanna be disappointed.

I don't wanna have to run away.

I just wanna know that this time will be different.

Together we can show other men and women that this f*cked up way of that we have of befriending and being unfriendly, which leads to passion and playing, then loving and leaving has got to stop.

I want you to respect my wishes and not be like any other man...

and I'll make a promise to you to not be like any other woman.

Journal tripping on my poetry tip...

Sitting in my house going through old journals again... Enjoy me while I'm on my poetry tip.

Mr. Right 4Me

by Alicia Williams 

The right man for you is the one who makes your heart skip beats.

The one who yearns to take you out just to show you off in the streets.

The one who does everything for you without even asking.

The one who knows what buttons make you angry, and which ones keep you laughing.

The right man for you is the one who holds you tight after making love.

The one who is plus 10, times 2, and 110% of the man you dreamed of.

The right man is the one who calls your phone as often as he can.

The one who knows that telling you when he misses you doesn't make him any less of a man.

The one who showers you with hugs and kisses with any chance that he gets.

The one who confesses to you how much he loves you as if you'd ever forget.

The right man for you is the one who doesn't mind putting his woman first.

The one who understands Alicia Keys when she describes a "woman's worth".

The right man for you is the one who tries his best to listen to and take care of your most important needs.

The one who one day plans to ask for your hand in marriage and yearns for you to bear his seed.

The one who has no problem saying that he adores you for who you are and fills the inner you with praise.

The one who's quick to remind you of your beauty whether on your best or worst days.

The right man for who is the one who God sends just when the wrong man has brought you to the end of your nerve.

The one who will fit your own criteria and be just who you deserve. 

The one who is respected and cherished by your family and friends.

The one who would never voluntarily leave you because you're the right woman for him.

 The right man for you, you'll love indefinitely and be completely infatuated with.

The one who you will appreciate even more the day you realize that he does exist.

Bandwagoners... They do exist!

Oprah at my college graduation... HOWARD UNIV C/O 2007

"Failure is God's way of pointing you into another direction!"  Spokenly beautifully by Miss Oprah Winfrey herself at my college graduation.  Makes you want to re-evaluate the age-old question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?'  The question we're asked constantly growing up, or at least it was in my household.  Most little kid answers are always typical.  They all want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, policemen, singers... you know, the usual.  All great professions but generic nonetheless.  I too went through the list of generic professions.  All throughout elementary and middle school I wanted to be a pediatrician, mostly because I was sick a lot with ear infections and such, so I paid my pediatrician (Dr. Lena Parikh) visits very often.  She was this sweet little Indian lady who always knew how to make me feel better and make the pain go away.   Then when I realized how much I despised science, I changed and wanted to be a teacher.  My mother and aunt were both teachers, two women who I admired and looked up to greatly.  I loved going to work with my mother prior to the start of the school year to help her decorate her classroom, and I used to beg her to let me assist with grading the piles and piles of papers she used to have stacked on the dining room table every Sunday.  But when I discovered how the pay scale for teachers actually worked my senior year of high school, I said never mind to teaching English and hello to being a lawyer.

Most of us who attend/attended college, enter college with big dreams of where we want to be in our lives and our profession.  Many of us even believe early on that we already know how we're going to get there... but then something happens.  The area of study that you thought you loved starts kicking your ass and dropping your g.p.a.  Internships or the non-existence of them make you question the path you're supposed to take to get to where you want to be.  Guest speakers brought in by your professors speak on more minuses than pluses.  You watch friends of yours who had the balls and money to switch their majors finally start to hum a happy tune... making you tamper with the idea of switching your major even though you know you'd never really do it this late in the game.  These type of things lead to us having that bit of doubt and uncertainty sitting in our subconscious even after we have landed the job we thought we wanted or a graduate school seat.

I see so many proclaimed experts writing blogs and telling the world what it is that they want to do, and I feel as if half of us are taking the cop out.  Most of the blogs I come across and actually take the time to read talk about fashion, or the author is somehow trying to be the next Necole Bitchie or spawn another YBF site.  Everyone swears "fashion is their passion" and they deem themselves PR specialists and publicity geniuses but can barely write a proper press release or have no idea what I'm talking about.  The majority of us have a passion for fashion, what budding 20 something year old doesn't?  Then we have those who are striving for entrepreneurship.  I admire you, I do.  But if I see another link to a website that contains 5 articles of clothing and 1 piece of jewelry that you want me to "add to my cart" when it should really read "add to my bite-sized basket" because there's not much to choose from... I'm going to scream.  Is this why you don't mind being unemployed?  Clearly someone else is either paying their bills, helping them pay the bills, or their family is wealthy enough anyway where it really doesn't matter.

The killer, is the law school phenomenon.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is/have/or will be applying to law school amidst post graduation.  Most of whom probably never really considered it but like any other "trend", jumped on the bandwagon.  I will admit, that once was my own aspiration.  The difference is, I actually went to Howard for law, studying the ins and outs of what it would take to be a lawyer.  I remember the weekends spent in the law library with my classmates writing memos and appellate briefs, as our teacher called himself getting us ready for our first year of law school.  I was really good at it according to my professors.  The pre-law teacher who made us write these weekly briefs applauded me on my work, making me one of his few A students.  My business law teacher wrote a note on one of my exams about how excellent my case analysis was and that I should definitely pursue a legal career.  All of these instances somehow weren't enough for me.  I lost my excitement mid-first semester of my senior year.  I was no longer completely sure that I saw myself as a lawyer.

As a result, I never took the LSAT and I didn't apply to any law schools.  Instead, I applied to a graduate Communications Master's program in order to give myself more time to figure out what I want to be.  I tapped into my athletic side and gave the sports world a try.  I interned with the Baltimore Ravens, and I was only 1 of 2 graduate students.  Everyone else was just barely entering undergrad.  I ended up hating the internship and decided to give Towson's marketing department a try, again as an assistant/intern.  The marketing part was interesting but what I fell in love with was higher-education itself.  Higher-ed was where I saw myself, whether in admissions, compliance, advising/teaching, or athletics... I wanted to have a career within the university world.  Not your average generic career aspiration.  A want that comes with explanation whenever someone ask me what is it that I wish to do.

My little cousin London and I at his High School graduation.

I yearned to be in a position of helping young adults.  Young adults who have already made it this far to pursue their education after high school but aren't sure where to go next.  Society does so much to get us to college and know the importance of it, yet we are forgotten about once we get there.  Here we are, 18 years old, entering a degree program that could determine the rest of our lives... and they honestly expect us to already be sure that this is the field we want to spend the rest of our lives working in?  Why not allow students not to pick up a major until their sophomore year?  Yes, the undecided major exists, but we all know that it's frowned upon.  The freshman year at most colleges/universities are full of core and basic classes anyway.  Why not for that first semester have freshmen take their core classes with the addition of a career class on resume building/etiquette, and another class that explores the different fields that are out there.  Then their second semester or so they can begin to choose a major of study.  It's like showing them what's really out there and truly giving them more time to think or even be just a little bit more sure with the field they've selected.

I'll never forgot the college journey of one of my teammates at Howard.  In high school she ran track and danced.  She wasn't sure what career path she wanted to choose but because Howard had an exceptional fine arts program she chose to major in dance.  When she got into the program, she was absolutely miserable.  Each day in freshmen orientation, another teammate of mine would come into the classroom in her Howard Track & Field gear.  And each day, the dancer, envied the athlete... reflecting back on her days of running in high school.  She cried every night, confused.  Then one day, she said f*ck it and elected out of the dance program and into advertising.  She walked onto the track team, not knowing anyone.  We, the track team, all already knew one another and wondered who this girl was who hurdled as if she were doing ballet.  Eventually, we fell in love with her sweet spirit and remarkable talent.  She ended up being such a crucial part to our team, winning All-MEAC honors in her first outdoor championship collegiate meet, running on two relays that qualified for the NCAA regionals, and most importantly earning her way into a full track scholarship.  And as far as her career goes, she got herself a job in advertising right out of college with a big time corporation.  None of this would've been possible if she had remained miserable as a dance major.

I say all of this because this young lady/former teammate of mine was able to have enough courage to go against the norm.  There are so many people, of all ages, who feel stuck in a career, a field, a job, or a study.  You know, life is funny about the direction it takes us in.  It has the power to show us that just when we think we have it all figured out, we're wrong.  I'm trying my best to stay away from the norm and officially put my once law school dreams behind me, because the reality is that law school is no longer my dream.  The reality is that now, I have a sight on my higher-ed career dreams, the completion of my MS degree, and the studying of my Doctorate in the next 5 years.  I feel comfortable and assured when I say this.  I don't feel forced.  There's no bandwagon that I'm apart of.  And if I had to go back to school to get another certificate or certification in a different field, I would.  Anything to avoid being an old person who hates going to work, feeling as if something is missing, awaiting my retirement for a chance at my passion.  We are going to be working for the rest of our lives, or for the majority of it anyway.  That is a long time to be waking every morning dreading going to work.  It's time to figure something out now people.  Today ask yourself, "what do you want to be NOW that you are grown up?"  Your answer, these days, might just surprise you.

"This is Jay everyday, no compromise.  No compass comes with this life, just eyes.  So to map it out, you must look inside.  Sure books can guide you, but your heart defines you." ~JayZ, Beach Chair

Hated for Being Beautiful

I had the intention of writing about something out of my norm today.  I know my title suggests a piece about models or something related to beauty image, but I'm sorry to have to burst any fashion-lover's bubble... this piece is about politics (oh no!)  Why not discuss a janky political system that lies within a government and society that hates people like me and our President... merely because of the beautiful skin color we are blessed to have.  After watching Obama's State of the Union addresss, I felt the need to get a few things about our lovely country off of my chest.

Probably more than half of the politically dormant American population tuned in to President Obama's speech.  I say this because my timeline on Twitter was literally all tuned in, most who I know don't have a political bone or care in their body.  And if that person happens to be you, don't worry, I don't plan to venture into statements made during his speech or give you an in-depth CNN analysis of his proposals for America.  Instead I'd just like to share with you what was personally provoked mentally through what I saw, not what I heard.

Is this not the funniest, but realest pic?

It's Washington, it's the government, so of course it is expected that the room of attendees present for Obama's speech were mostly white and male.  Most of whom actually stood up and clapped for a good amount of his speech.  So much that my followers on Twitter were begging for them to stop the interruptions.  But there, sitting behind President Obama, were Vice President Joe Biden (who I absolutely adore) and Speaker of the House, John Boehner.  Vice President Biden smiled and clapped in agreement with President Obama... I mean, he is his VP.  In contrast, I noticed that throughout President Obama's ENTIRE speech John Boehner had a horrendous look of disgust on his face, knowing that all of America could see his "I hate black people" facial expressions.  His clapping was obviously forced and full of sarcasm.  He looked as if it was paining him to sit there and watch a black man give the State of Union address as the President of the United States.  I didn't realize how much I missed the site and presence of Nancy Pelosi (former Speaker of the House), until tonight.

Back row, from right to left: Vice President Joe Biden. Speaker of the House (crybaby, RED-neck, literally) John Boehner

When Nancy Pelosi was still the Speaker of the House.  Is that smile for Obama Nancy? :)

Boehner's blatant and obvious stares of disapproval during Obama's speech was very much uncalled for and down right childish.  It's as if he was throwing a silent tantrum to himself.  Well Boehner, whether you like it or not, this man is your president... elected through the democratic system that America is proud to have and supposedly leading by example.  I love having the right to vote in this alleged democracy of ours, but how is it that in a country where a black man can be voted into office does so much racism and classism still exists? My  facebook and twitter friends brought to my attention today the Kelly Bolar case in Akron Ohio.  This case involves the harsh and extreme sentencing of a black mother who was jailed for lying on documents so her children did not have to attend the school around the projects where they lived.  Instead she used the kids father's address so they could attend a predominantly white school in their father's neighborhood which gave them better opportunities.

Now I don't know about you, but I know plenty of parents who have used the addresses of family members and friends so that they're kids could attend a better school.  I mean, honestly, since when did trying to give your children a better education warrant jail time?  Cases like Ms. Bolar's case, the Marcus Dixon case where a young black boy in Georgia was given a cruel sentencing after being falsely accused of raping his white girlfriend, the Jena 6 case where a group of black teens got into a fight with a group of white teens and then were wrongfully charged & given excessive sentencing while the white teens received none, the Oscar Grant killing where a black teen in Oakland was shot repeatedly by an officer as he laid helplessly in hand cuffs.  I could go on for days speaking of stories of injustice that have happened in this country over the last 6-7 years. 

I look at a country whose government has allowed cases and situations like the ones I mentioned to take place... a government who didn't come to the rescue of it's own people when Hurricane Katrina paralyzed a city and left too many to count dead or homeless... a government who watched business after business close, while day in and day out families found themselves on the streets because mom and dad were now unemployed.  I thought that all of these problems were why we, black and white America, chose Obama to be our President?  Because we, black and white America, knew that things were going horribly wrong.  I look at a country that has elected a black man as president but has slowly turned their backs on him as quickly as they put him in office, allowing fools like Boehner to change their opinions.

Some of the Hurricane Katrina aftermath

Sadly enough, the young Obama supporters are over the hype, the old Obama supporters are running out of steam, and everyone else is either indifferent or raising hell trying to bring his presidency down before he even completes his term.  People hate everything about a man who in the little time that he's been in office has improved the state of jobs, health care, and the war that we're fighting oversees.  The Republican Party, Tea Party, and other Obama opposers are doing everything in their power to undermine and belittle what he HAS done... fighting against him as he tries to alleviate issues as sensitive and significant as health care and helping poor and middle class families.  All I've seen from Obama opposers is pointing fingers, being angry with Obama for the sake of being angry.  This is not the time for the government to be against one another, okaying its citizens to hate one another.  The reality is that Obama is THEE president, so as our government officials support his efforts and do something... stop talking.

I watched the Republican and Tea Party commentary following President Obama's excellent speech and cringed at how hard they are trying to kill all Obama stands for; knowing that their Republican counterpart brought us into this mess.  President Obama has done more thus far than most president's have done their full term.  The beauty of living that he stands for is hated, simply because the beauty of his appearance involves a skin complexion that's brown. *sigh*  It all just angers me.  How are we not to hate in return, when for so many years we have faced hatred?  Will "America the beautiful" ever truly include ALL Americans?  I'm beginning to lose hope.

"But what we can do, as flawed as we are, is still see God in other people, and do our best to help them find their own grace. That's what I strive to do, that's what I pray to do every day." ~President, Barack Obama

Title-less... Literally!

Going through more old poetry books of mine, and I came across this poem.  It's something a little different.  I don't have a title for this one; but I'd like for you to read it, understand it, and post a few title suggestions.  Nonetheless, enJOY ;)

Untitled

by Alicia Williams

They tried to tear us apart...

tried to take my words from my soul and use them against me, against you, against us.

They tried to take me away from what I knew best...

take away my passion, my everything.

They tried to tear our love apart....

the love that has been growing between us since I was a little girl, since we were both virgins to this world.

They tried to take away my everlasting piece of dignity.

Use what I said and what I wrote to mark me as a hypocrite.

They tried something along the lines of stoning me to death...

stoning us using my own vocabulary, my own verbals to rid of what we have.

They tried to put out our flame...

the flame that has continued to burn inside of the both of us.

But our passion, our heat was too much for them.

So they tried to water you down and cool me off, hoping that this would be the last of us.

Yea they tried... but they couldn't.

They couldn't tear us part because I'd die for you.

I'd lay myself down in the streets of shame and anguish to be constantly run over by our opposition if I had to.

I'd sacrifice my body for you, partake in activity that would waste away my soul just so your soul could continue breathing...

so your soul could live on to tell the world our story.

They just can't seem to break the natural bond that's between us... it's too strong.

I will admit though, that they almost had me.

They had me at a point to where I was almost broken... feeling torn and remorseful about nearly giving you up for good.

I was afraid to be with you... all from the fear of being seen, the fear of being humiliated, the fear of not being able to love you right anymore.

But without you, I wasn't myself...

the hurt and the pain was damn near unbearable.

So I vowed to take my punishment, let the public see and hear about my obsession with you and your obsession with me... because I needed you that bad.

They can't take this pen from my hand.

They tried... When I tell you.

They tried to stop me from writing... but I can't.

I love you pen & paper, words & rhymes... I love you entirely too much to lose you.

I almost let you go completely because what I wrote offended some, hurt some, broke some, and I lost some.

But I can no longer go on limiting my thoughts because of their dislike and disapproval of our relationship.

Because the reality is... they can not tear us apart.

Writing, you ease my pain, you calm my brain, you heal wounds inside of me that I didn't even know existed.

You allow me to be myself... never judging me, always listening.

Without you, I am nothing.  Without you, I am not me.

You see, they failed.

They can't tear us apart... and this is proof.

I'm back, I'm focused, I'm alive, I'm well... 

And I wrote this just for them.

"I am the youth spirit, I am y'all with the flow... Troubled man, dare I say, I am Mar with the flow... I come up hard but I evolve with the flow... Crossover, slam dunk, Rucker Park with the flow." ~JayZ. What They Gonna Do.

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." ~John Jake 

A Different Kind of Lovin'

Rumor has it that I'm bad in answering and returning phone calls... so says a few close friends of mine.  I object and completely disagree with this statement!!! You know how it is sometimes, you truly get engulfed or distracted by something that you were doing when they called.  Your friends though, your closes ones at that, the ones who know your day to day schedule, will call you during the most awkward times of your day... times where day in and day out you are not available.

They'll call you when they know you are still asleep, taking your daily nap, at work where talking on the phone is NOT even an option, booed up, or away somewhere where your cellphone is the last thing on your mind or not even accessible.  Then they'll wonder why you haven't answered their calls lol... c'mon now deviant callers known as the friends that I love dearly, call me when I'm actually free! haha.  It may sound like I'm nagging or complaining, but I'm not.  My circle of friends has just been getting on me about this lately, so I wanted to tease them.  This blog entry doesn't even have anything to do with missed calls.  Instead it's about the ones in our lives who we love like family but aren't related to us by blood, not one drop... our FRIENDS... more specifically... our close friends, known as our CIRCLE.  This blog entry is dedicated to my Trio! Established @ Howard University... prior & post.  This is truly a different kind of lovin'.

Most of us have probably heard of the saying that goes something like "as you get older you don't lose friends, you find out who your real ones are."  Don't quote me, but you get the gist of it.  When you get older, you go through these phases where you begin to distant yourself from certain people.  Either because your interest are no longer the same, they've done something unacceptable to you or someone close to you, or you feel as if you can no longer deal with their immature and/or screwed up character.  From personal experience and observation, here are a few "friends", also known as associates who we all should avoid and RUN AWAY from if we call any of these types of people "friends". (Unless you fall into the same categories yourself).  They are as follows:

1. The Groupie. They want to use you for the limelight.  There is something that you have or something/someone that you have access to that they want or want to be around.  In a creepy way, sometimes it appears that they want to be you.
2. The Con Man. They lie and are sneaky = can't be trusted. You can't loan this friend anything because you'll never get it back.  They will connive their way into getting whatever it is that they need out of you.  From a sad story, for sympathy... to a "you get this round of drinks, I got the next one!"... which you know won't  happen! 
3. The Attention Whore.  They want every bit of attention that you receive, no matter if it's from the opposite sex, other fellow friends, an employer, a coach, family etc.  They want it all!  And they'll leave you high and dry out in the cold to get what they want!
4. The Flirt. Not to be confused with The Attention Whore, but they do go hand and hand.  This person craves feeling like the most beautiful/flyest thing out there... and if that means feeling as if they could take your girl/man away from you then so be it.  You don't feel comfortable with them around your boyfriend/girlfriend or even just someone who you have a crush on or are somewhat interested in.
5. The Tabloid. They always have negative things to say about other people and/or are always gossiping about someone.  9 times out of 10 when you aren't around they dog you hard as hell and tell all of your business.
6. The Hater. They belittle you.  They are so stuck on themselves, or jealous of what you have that the only way to make themselves feel better is to diss everything that you have and anything that goes good for you.
7. The Spoiled Brat. They're selfish.  When the going gets tough for you, they are no where to be found.  They want you there for them for everything, and will be quick to call you out if you're not.  Strangely they turn into David Blaine and disappear when you need them most.
8. The Dropout. This friend really has no ambition or the goals that they have are crazy.  They bring you down... always wanting to get into trouble of some sort.  They may even clown and make jokes about you and your success/drive to succeed in front of other nobodies.
9. The Love Sick Puppy. With this friend, any man/girl/boo that comes into their life is immediately placed in front you.  Once this friend is "in love" you can say goodbye to any and everything that you did to hang out.  They make it clear that you are only priority and important when they are single and lonely... but yet you are the first one they call as soon they get played.
10. The Dependent.  You might as well start claiming this friend on your taxes!  It is soooo important that you are there for them for literally EVERYTHING.  They call you with questions like, "I don't know if I should breathe today? What do you think?"  If it weren't for you, this poor sole wouldn't know how to function properly.
 

There maybe some other types that you can think of, but the aforementioned ones are people who I've come across.  By the age of 25, these people NEED to be completely gone out of your life! I've gone away from having a big circle of friends.  I used to have a big circle that I talked to about life and my feelings... to only find out later that those people couldn't be trusted.  It hurts when you lose a good friend.  When a person becomes a good friend, it's as if they become a part of your family.  Whether you hate them or not... there is always a bit of nostalgia from funny, crazy, and wacky moments that you've had together.  And what sucks, are the moments when you look back when that person was there for you for a particular situation, or the moments when you remember actually feeling brother/sisterhood... it makes you ask yourself... What went wrong??

I've honestly battled with that question a few times, too many times for my liking.  Too many times to where it's made me sit down and question my own state of mind and ability to be a good friend.  Maybe it's me I considered?  But then those remaining good friends of mine, pointed out that I have a good heart, which causes me to give someone too much credit when they've shown me signs that they didn't deserve that much credit in the first place.  Yea, I'm definitely past that point now.  My senior year of college, after the elementary/middle/and underclassmen friend fumbles and tests, after I myself had to mature... I found my true circle of friends.

My circle is very small indeed.  These people have been there for me through my most trying times without ever judging me or making me feel ashamed for any mistake or choice that I've made.  They have never tried to hate, support me in literally EVERYTHING that I want to do and have done!  They have always told me the truth when it came to guys, even physically hurt for me as I went through some very trying times in maturing.  We are each quirky and different in our way, but we understand that about one another.  We all have ambition, spirituality, beauty, and brains.  I pray that these ladies remain my close circle forever... and that I am as a good friend to them as they are to me.  My big brother from another mother, Ray, gets an honorable mention for all of the above reasons as well (but I won't put his photo up without his approval lol).  I don't regret any friend ordeal that I've had.  Just as in any ordeal in life, you live and you learn.  And those who matter will be around throughout that process.  If you wouldn't settle for a mate, then why settle for a friend.

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.” ~Anonymous