Twitter has done it again... inspired another blog entry. Last night I got into a conversation over twitter with one of my male followers about male/female friendships. Throughout my life, I've heard that it is impossible for a male and female to legitimately be good friends... blasphemy almost it seems. I beg to differ. Indeed, I have a good male friend who is actually like a big brother to me. Never once has he tried to date me, not during or prior to our friendship. The thought of that happening doesn't even concern me because we truly see one another as damn near family.
What bothers me about the male/female friendship complex is that sadly, most male/female friendships aren't legit or barely exist. My female friends and I find ourselves discussing the array of guys who you happen to become friends with, grow to believe are great men, and the coolest people. Then suddenly the day comes when those guys admit to having a huge crush on you and force you to chose between continuing the friendship or progressing to lovers. Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing. This guy is someone who you yourself may have always had a liking for, but then other times not so much. You may think that this male friend of yours who decided to confess his love for you looks great on paper, but there is simply no spark there for you. You have honestly grown to see him as a good friend and a good friend only. The two of you are then left in an awkward situation that leaves you sitting somewhere between guilt and disappointment, and your friend sitting somewhere between resent and embarrassment. On your behalf, the guilt is there because you hate that you had to hurt his feelings, and disappointment because now the friendship that you appreciated so much is potentially gone.
Now I am not trying to discourage anyone from admitting their feeling to someone. There are sooo many situations where the other person had been feeling the same way, but just didn't have the courage to say anything. The male/female friendship complex is just an interesting one to me. It is so hard to tell when an actual friendship exists, and when the wool is potentially being pulled over your eyes and a secret is being kept. It can be frustrating for any man or woman who is just being introduced to the opposite sex close friend. However, it all has to do with being secure in yourself. If you have worries and fears, then maybe your boo isn't giving you enough assurance in your relationship as a whole. If they were, then maybe you wouldn't be so paranoid over a friendship. It does all stem back to being confident in yourself and trusting in your partner.
Honestly, I have dated guys where their so-called female friend(s) rubbed me the wrong way. In order to deem someone an actual friend where attraction is not a factor, I feel that you should be able to talk to whoever you're dating on the phone or in person comfortably with your friend around. There should not be a need to hide and/or play keep away with how deep your friendship or relationship is with anyone. When these things don't occur smoothly, then yes, I do become like the rest of society and shun the idea of true male/female friendships. But then I remember my own male/female friendship and all of the speculation that has occurred whenever I first start dating a guy.
As a result of all of this uncertainty that exist when it comes to male/female friendships, I have taken the liberty to compose a list of what I believe are the10 types of male friends that can and do actually exist within a female's life. This list is not to be confused with the list of friend types in general that I've done on a previous blog of mine. This list is more so for the public to agree or disagree. Guys, you may fall into one or a few of these categories within the lives of female friends of yours. And females, you maybe able to pinpoint different male friends from your own life on this list. These 10 are not representative of all of my male friends. It is simply the 10 I see existing in general. They are as follows:
1.
The Brother - This one is self-explanatory, and no I am not talking about a female's actual blood brother. The brother-like friend is the one who females go to for everything. He is the one who, outside of your female friends, knows most of your inner, deepest, darkest secrets. The two of you probably have arguments, from time to time, like actual brothers and sister's. You call him whenever you need that good ol' male advice and he calls you for female advice. You call on him for mechanical questions, technology woes, and for any other facet of your life where a man's words or presence is warranted. Your opinion of who he is dating is important to him, as his opinion is important to you. Guys don't have to worry about the brother type taking your girl, instead it would be best for you to get the brother type on your side. If he tells her a certain "nigga ain't sh*t!", she takes his word. She has the utmost respect for him as if he were family.
2.
The Homeboy - A female's homeboy is just that, her homeboy. This friendship normally starts from the sharing of a common interest. Maybe the two of you had classes together, were teammates, co-workers, hung in the same circle, or simply got to know one another through a mutual friend. In public, it would appear that the two of you are the tightest thing walking. He looks out for you when need be; however, the two of you don't talk outside of running into one another. No texting, no phone conversations... only here and there hellos and funny convos over social networks and chats. This person may always remain a homeboy because he is more than likely off limits because one of you is or was dating a friend of the other or because one of you knows that a good friend of yours is crazy about the other.
3.
The Best Friend - Not to be confused with the previous two, the best friend friendship often times starts with a male and female being friends by default. By default, I mean that the two of you might've grown up together or rolled in the same neighborhood. Growing up the two of you were always forced to befriend one another and be in each others' presence. Maybe because your parents are such good friends whose kids happen to be around the same age, or maybe because you simply lived next door to one another and someone's household was always babysitting the other. This friend may carry a lot of the same characteristics as the brother type; however, there is room for denial in how deep this friendship may actually be. Would you and this person honestly be this "cool" and call one another "bestfriend" if the obligation wasn't there from the get-go?
4.
The Conversationalist - Self-explanatory, this male friend is known for his excellent conversation. Whenever you need someone to talk to, not for advice, but more so for distraction... he is the one you text/call/contact. He answers every message at a timely manner, returns every phone call, and says all of the right things at that moment to take your mind off of whatever it is. There maybe interest on his part, but for you it's all about his gift of gab.
5.
The Girl Friend - This male friend is essentially the gay friend. You look to him for fashion advice because in your mind, he can tell what shoes match with what dress better than any of your female friends can. You expect him to be witty and full of personality. You even turn to him at times to gain insight as to what goes on in the mind of a man. He is indeed the best of both worlds.
6.
The Clutch Friend - This male friend is always there when you need him. Outside of wanting someone to talk to, this friend is there to take you out. All you have to do is say the magic words, and he is ready to scoop you up or meet you somewhere for a night of entertainment. He has probably expressed his motives and/or intentions with you prior to being good friends; however, you placed him in the friend zone. You appreciate the good person that he is so much, that you refuse to let him go despite not feeling the same about him. The clutch friend is the one who puts a smile on your face and knows how to make you feel good inside because that is a task that he welcomes on your behalf. Guys beware, she may not like him now, but the clutch friend has the potential to win her heart the day you leave her vulnerable.
7.
The Potential "more than friends" Friend - This male friend is the one who you actually could see yourself dating. The interaction between the two of you is consistent enough to place him in the male friend category, but minimal enough to where he doesn't progress to dating-status. For whatever reason(s), this friend is off limits as well. Or you are afraid to admit to him why you really hang around him. There is sort of an unspoken awkwardness here. You don't really have too much activity with this one, but the respect is there enough to where you could ask for something if you truly needed it.
8.
The F.B. (f*ck buddy) - We're grown, so let's be honest. This friend exists for a lot of people, male and female. Many are even in denial about it. This male friend is the one who has successfully attracted you physically. The two of you fall into every stereotypical booty-call category. This F.B. situation was either agreed on verbally by the two of you, or just somehow found a way to happen. Sadly, a lot of times females find themselves on the bad end of the F.B. deal once feelings begin to get involved. Having this male friend is not recommended and is highly dangerous to one's health and state of mind.
9.
The Ex - Not always operating as a friend, I decided to throw the ex-boyfriend into this male friend category because he does exist. Sometimes acting as more than a pain-in-the-butt than a friend, it is possible for a decent friendship to be established because of the history between the two of you. This is usually only feasible when both you and your ex are honestly over one another; otherwise, this friendship is full of jealousy and bitterness. If successfully pulled off, the ex as a friend can serve as a good stepping stone for future relationships as long as you are completely honest with your future partner about the extent of you and your ex's friendship.
10.
The All In One - Fellas, I must warn you... be afraid of this friend... be very afraid! Ok, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But this friend encompasses all of the traits of the aforementioned male friends (maybe not the girl friend or the Ex). He acts like a brother, a homeboy, and a best friend all in one. He always comes through in the clutch with whatever you need, and he is excellent on paper in regards to being someone you would actually date. If you are to develop an actual relationship from a true friendship, the all-in-one type may be the perfect candidate one day. The only bad part is that once you cross that friendship line, if it fails, there may never be any going back to actual good friends.
