Things Just Got Prettier

I'm so happy right now! Why? Because I found a way to start over!  Nooo I'm not talking about with life, but I'm talking about my precious blog!  For approximately the last 5 days, I have been going crazy because I have been unable to sign in to Google Account or Blogspot to access my blog.  My mind is always filled with so much that I thought I was going to have a breakdown with my new found outlet being basically non-existent.  It had only been a week, funny I know.  I told myself that even though I re-created my blog tonight, that I would go to bed and NOT post a blog.... buuuut what good is having your own outlet for writing if you don't do what you want with it right?  As you can see from the different url address, I never figured out how to attain access to my original blog.  Instead, I came across a very insightful website on blogspot that explained the issue and helped me face the fact that my blog would be lost for-ev-er *creepy voice*!  All because of a typo with my email address. *Sigh*

I, of course, was tempted to tell myself, "ok that was fun while it lasted!"  But the positive feedback that I have been receiving from my readers, also known as my friends, has been such a motivation more than I think any of them know!  I've had people tweet, call, message, text, and facebook me about how good my blog is and how they love reading what I have so far, what I'm doing... How it's refreshing and motivating...  How it touches their real life... How they'd like to tell the world about it... How they're simply happy to see me doing what I love to do!  To these people, I would like to scream at the top of my lungs THANK YOU!!!!!  That love that you have been giving me has been allowing me to take my own advice from the things that I've written.  It took me sometime, but I basically started this current blog from scratch.  It is identical to my previous blog with all of the same entries copied and pasted.  I've gone through all of the necessary steps this time to make sure that I won't lose this one.  I've even double checked with my heart to make sure that starting this completely over was worth it.

So here I am at 5 o'clock in the morning, writing.  Not about anything quirky and cute that popped into my brain... but simply rediscovering a passion I've had since my childhood.  And with that, I'd like to say thank you.  Thank you to all of my friends, and friends of friends, random readers, and admirers who unknowingly and knowingly are driving me to love again what I had lost.  Thank you for allowing Alicia to be Alicia, whether in person or through a craft.  My previous blog was titled When Life Gets Ugly... Get Pretty! In making perfect sense, I titled this blog When Life Gets Ugly... Get Prettier!  As life continues to come up with creative ways to toss me lemons, I'll keep coming up with creative ways to turn those lemons into something sweet... bump sour lemonade! I want the good stuff! lol :)  See you in the a.m. beautiful people!

Parties and Purpose

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My Skin is Brown...

(Wednesday, January 12, 2011)

  "Four Women" Nina Simone Tribute. Kelly Price, Marsha Ambrosius, Jill Scott, Ledisi.

I know Black Girls Rock aired months ago, but I had to post this performance for the purposes of this entry.  Every time I watch this tribute, I literally get chills.  The black female is by far one of God's most special creations and probably the most complicated.  I normally have something to tell you as to what inspired my blog entry, but today, it was merely looking into the mirror.  While taking my hair down this morning, dazed, staring into my vanity, I thought to myself "wow, I am truly a beautiful woman."  In no way am I trying to be conceited or cocky, but sometimes you need to really look into a mirror and make that realization... especially us black women.  We deal with and have dealt with so much in society, yet are ridiculed and made fun of so often... by sadly... one another and our black male counterparts.  Twitter jumps when topics like "hood hoes" are trending.  Music videos are full of boricuas and red bones.  Society places the "home wrecker" label quickly onto budding black women in entertainment. Ridiculous.

In a discussion I had with a few women my age a while back, the consensus was that black women are the hardest on one another.  We bicker, we fight, we hate.  To an extent I agree.  As females, we definitely need to do better with our respect for one another.  But personally, I feel that black men are the hardest on black women.  Here it is 2011, and I still hear black men making comments implying that dark skin women aren't beautiful.  So I guess the rest of her has nothing to do with it??? Just her skin color??? Really though???  A man will date a woman, but through the process tell her how he wants her to wear her hair, how he wants her to dress, what food he wants her to eat, what amount of make-up she should wear.  He'll belittle what she finds entertaining, constantly benefit from her kindness yet quickly call her a nag or bitch when she finally stands up for herself.  Sometimes when I see all of this happening, I just want to yell STOP!

My black men, women in general are already insecure in so many facets.  The most confident, most beautiful woman has insecurities.  Black women compete because the black man puts them against one another with out even realizing he's doing so.  A man will constantly make comments to his woman about how attractive a celebrity is, and never think that maybe it's getting to her head.  Sad to say, females react.  It's in our genetic make-up.  God gave us all of these emotions, so we could be excellent mothers and nurturers... so we could be loving with our children, supportive to our husbands, and empathetic to society.

Black women are indeed strong, but we endure a lot that I don't think anyone but a black woman can comprehend completely.  I am a young, black, female Head Coach in a man's world.  If only you knew some of things that I have had to go through in order to gain respect.  We are two times the minority.  Our sexuality always has to be guarded when things like rape and "hoe" labels exist.  Our womanhood has to be easily recognizable to be wanted, yet our backbone has to be present to be respected.  Then as black women, we are expected to be stronger than the average woman.  I know that black women aren't innocent in the making judgments department, but I don't think black men understand the magnitude of impact that they possess.  When you give a woman assurance that everything is okay, then she will be okay because you are her king.  I would hope that a race which has faced so much prejudice and ridicule as a whole, would see how much they need one another.  We are each others biggest and worst critics when we need to be each others biggest and best supporters.  My brown people, learn to love beautiful for what it is and not for what you think it should be.  Learn to encourage.  Black men, my kings, you have my support... but all I, your queen, ask for is yours.

"As far as I knew white women were never lonely, except in books. White men adored them, Black men desired them and Black women worked for them." ~Maya Angelou

She Has a Pretty Nice Flow

(Tuesday, January 11, 2011)

I had a "snow" day today... which led to a day of nostalgia.  I decided to go through a few old journals and books of poetry of mine.  In case you didn't know, I love poetry... writing in general.  My passion for writing is different though.  I've always done bad in journalism and news media writing classes but flourished in creative writing ones.  Media writing can be so restricted.  There was a format that the teachers forced me to follow for journalistic purposes that I just couldn't get with whatsoever.  I thrive off of being able to place my commas where I want, capitalize what I want, and arrange words and phrases to what feels right to me.  I've studied communications all throughout college, so I understand the need for proper mechanics and grammar.  However, when it comes to telling a story, I'd like to just tell it.  So here, for the first time on my blog... I'd like to share with you the first poem I came across today in reminiscing.  I wrote this poem along time ago, somewhere between high school and college; so there's no need for anyone to feel special lol.
 

Presenting...  "Takin' Back" Enjoy! :)

Takin' Back

byAlicia Williams

See, I was takin' back the first day you looked at me... 

the first day you looked at me straight into my eyes as if you were trying to read my mind.

I was takin' back the first time you smiled at me... 

the first time you smiled at me I knew you were interested, I knew I had you in my grasp... 

I knew my chocolate had once again suceeded.

I was takin' back all of the nights we chilled together, whether indoors or outdoors.  

The nights we talked about whatever, enjoying each others' company, wanting one another, lusting silently.

I was takin' back each time my phone rang and it was you on the other end...

you calling because I was on your mind. 

I was takin' back, believe it or not.

 The conversations we had for minutes, for hours...  

The excitement in your voice told me that you were actually into what I was saying, into me.

I was takin' back the nights I laid down beside you... in your bed... close to you.

You kissing me softly in my most beautiful places.

Our lips touching, tongues meddling, me feeling you deep...ly.

I was takin' back.

 I was takin' back by everything we'd do, from the bites to eat, the nights alone, the public affection, the obvious admiration, the feeling of falling in love.

I was takin' back when the tables turned...

  when your pain became my anger which led to our drama. 

When you decided that I was getting too close, when initially... you welcomed my closeness and despised my distance.

I was takin' back the day I saw your arm wrapped around another girl... 

A smile on her face, and a smirk on yours... your homeboys patting you on your back. 

Playa... I was takin' back.

Takin' back even further as your list of "girl" "friends" increased... 

as your head got even bigger... your crew got even ruder, and your inclination towards me became less evident.

I was takin' back each moment I let your evilness slide, each time I became closer to becoming a "dummy".

I was takin' back by my own persistence to be with you... 

learning that I loved you, yet oblivious to the reality that your feelings weren't my feelings.

Takin' back? Was I.

The killer was how takin' back I was the day you pushed me out of your world completely.

Take me back... that's how I feel.

I feel takin' back by the fact that simply giving you what you wished for was not a task I coud do.

I was takin' back by the fact that I just didn't want to let you go... by how hooked I was, never realizing my own devotion and the extent of your deception.

Take me back.

Take me back to where I didn't cry every other night over a lost cause, over a lost soul... to where my happiness didn't depend on your happiness, to where I could do without you... but didn't.

Take me back to the man who wasn't trying to have a reputation... 

to the man who was trying to make a relationship... to the man who chased after me, the one I saw potential in... Please take me back to that place.

Take me back to where I was takin' back...

Takin' back by the idea of meeting someone who I was so attracted to, so into, so his, so yours when you had me takin' back.

Take me back to before you were even ever in my life, when I was drama-less, painless, emotionless...

When I was takin' back because falling in love felt that good...

Back then, before I knew love could hurt this bad.

Yours Truly... A.dot.M.dot.Dub.

I Got the Juice Now!

(Monday, January 10, 2011)

Never go to the grocery story hungry!  I made the mistake of doing so and the end result was Minute Maid Cherry Limeade.  *Funky face* Yuck!  That's what I get for trying something new.  I should've stuck with my old faithful Fruit or Berry Punch.  Don't you hate when you decide to be different, try something new, and then it ends up feeling like a horrible decision?!  Of course this blog entry isn't about my horrible grocery shopping decision in choosing the wrong beverage.  It's about trying something different.  Dating, careers, wardrobe, hairstyles, cars, and hobbies are all areas of life where we tend to switch it up from time-to-time, well some us.  The same frustration that I felt in buying that juice, is the same frustration that I've felt in major facets of my life.

When it comes to dating, for instance, I've pretty much dated the same type of guys.  Extremely athletic, popular, tough exterior (so they'd like you to think), overly masculine, video-game playing "meat-heads"... no offense to anyone, I was just describing your stereotypical jock.  I do attract a variety of males, but I always used to jump with excitement when one of the guys I just described came rolling my way.  All of my life I've been an athlete, so it's natural that I would be attracted to the athletes.  However, during my later years of college, after another dating experience and situation flopped... I decided to switch it up.  I went out of my comfort zone and said yes to dating guys who were different than what I was used to, which proceeded to post-college.  How has that been going for me?  Very well actually.  I've discovered new interests and new things about myself that I wasn't aware that I liked, disliked, and loved through my dating experiences.  

The same goes for career choices.  I had my sight set on law school all throughout undergrad.  Then suddenly during my senior year of college, I found myself hating law which led to my exploration of other fields.  That led me to a sports internship with the Ravens, my dream, which I figured I would love in being a former athlete.  That too was a disaster.  But like dating, stepping out and trying different things has led me to discover new things that make me smile.  I am not a big risk-taker at all, so having the courage to even try something new was a new process for me in itself.  It's scary to think that this leap of faith that your taking, could potentially back fire and blow up in your face.  And even more frightening to think that giving up what I was use to, could leave me with absolutely nothing in the end. 

There comes a point though when you're just pushed to your limit... where you can no longer stand going to work, you dread having conversations with your significant other, you question your beauty because of a dated look.  In your heart, you know when it's time... time to move on and/or simply switch it up.  Just like with my juice, I'm now stuck with an entire carton of juice that I do not want and can't take back.  The good news though, I can rid of the juice... go buy something else that I like... and place that juice on the list of "tried but denied".

Does this mean that I will never venture out and try something different, even something as small as juice ever again? No, that'd be ridiculous.  This all just means that particular kind wasn't for me, now I know.  Someone else could love it!  You have to take risks in life in order to live, even if they're small ones. Otherwise 20 years from now you could be left with a bunch of "I shoulda, coulda, woulda's... but didn'ts"  What have you got to lose?  How else are you going to know what gives you complete happiness if you're satisfied with, "I'm doing okay"? Take a risk!  Think of all of the possibilities that you could be missing out on! That's what we call living and learning my friend!  We can even hold hands together... because Lord knows I myself am afraid to jump at times, but I will! ;)

A Starter Risk To-Do List
1. Drastically change your hair... dye it, cut it, go natural, get a weave. If you're a guy... try the bald look, let your facial hair grow out, or cut your existing facial hair.
2. Apply for a few jobs out of state, across the country even... and if you get an interview, go on it!
3. Go see a movie by yourself, have lunch at a restaurant alone aside from your lunch break... if you do this already then make it a more frequent thing.
4. Take a class that involves a new hobby... i.e. sewing, painting, dancing, boxing.
5. Learn a new language.
6. Go on a blind date... or on a date with someone who you've been telling no.
7. Book a trip, to somewhere you haven't been within the next two weeks.
8. This weekend, take a road trip to visit a friend who lives more than 2 hours away.
9. Buy a ridiculously expensive item that you have always wanted.
10. Add volunteering to your already busy life. (Should not be a risk but for some of you it's like pulling teeth!)
11. Tell someone special in your life exactly how you feel... take the next step from where ever you are even.
12. Join something... an organization, a gym, a church.
13. Start at least laying out the foundation for your own side hustle, non-profit, new business.
14. Start up a blog and share with the world what's in your head ;)
15. Start your own "Risk List" if mine isn't applicable enough to you... give yourself an age or date that you'd like to complete things.  It doesn't have to be as extreme as a "Bucket List" (a list of things to do before you die)... but just put ideas on paper and go with them for once in your life!

*a familiar one*

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Any Given Sunday

 (Sunday, January 9, 2011)

On this gorgeous but cold, NFL Sunday in Baltimore, Maryland... I'd like to introduce the die-hard sports fan, glued to the t.v. each and every NFL Sunday, football fanatic herself! Me of course :)  This Sunday is special though, why?  Because the home team plays a big game today.  And in honor of my Baltimore Ravens beginning their post season play this afternoon against the Kansas City Chiefs, I dedicate this blog to them!

The picture to the left is none other than Baltimore Raven's free safety, and in my opinion, one of the best defensive players to ever play in the NFL... Edward Earl Reed, Jr.  In the wake of today's game excitement, the Raven's are also dealing with a sense of somberness.  Just two days ago, Ed Reed's younger brother went missing and is now presumed drowned after he allegedly jumped into the Mississippi River to allude police.  Officers were said to be chasing him because the car he was driving was believed to be stolen.  A car at which his mother is adamant was not stolen and belongs to a family member.

I don't know about you but this story sounds fishy.  Why would his brother willingly jump into a river to escape?  I'm sorry but purposely jumping into a random body of water is something that us black folks just don't do.  Then if he were drowning, why didn't any decorated, aiming to "protect and serve" officer go in after him?  Did they not see him jump?  And if they did not see him jump, then how did they conclude that he had jumped?  He could've slipped and fell for all we know.  Too many unanswered questions.  I'm not a detective or anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if this story involved foul play.

How I see it, his brother could've been a victim off a black man driving in the wrong part of the south.  The cops probably pulled him over, looking for something wrong; to then see that the car was not registered to him.  Suddenly it was assumed that the black man must've stolen the car in an attempt to arrest and harass him.  His brother probably ran for his life, knowing what was about to happen or what was already happening and no one was around to watch (Rodney King-like possibilities).  Or even worse, the cops might've done a number on him and rid of the poor boy's body.  I'd like the think that this isn't the case, but it's terrible to know that incidents like these are even still believable in 2011. 

 
Despite the craziness of this tragic case, sudden deaths and occurrences like these make you think.  In a couple of seconds, your life could be turned upside down.  This past week, a young man from my former track and field team died in a motorcycle accident, he was 25.  And a young lady I went to middle and high school with was in a horrendous head on collision that has left her barely moving in shock trauma, and the other driver deceased,  She too is 25.  Tragedy has no owner.  It comes and goes as it pleases, to whomever it chooses, whenever it chooses.  Similar to today's weather, life can be gorgeous but cold.  The beauty of living is why you want to live but the coldness it can bring has you sitting on edge at times, awaiting the storm.

I'm sadden this week to see tragedy hit somewhat close to home with the death of my former teammate and the head injury of my former classmate.  It makes me want to yell "I love you" to the world, and "I appreciate you"... just in case I never get to tell those who need to hear it from me.  Today, Ed Reed must play a very important game that decides whether his 2010-2011 football season ends today.  He must somehow take the pain and hurt that he feels from the death of his brother, and place it on the field.  He will literally play his heart out.

With each of the NFL playoff games being played, this given Sunday could potentially be the end of anyone's season.  In the same way that any given day could potentially be the end of something crucial in your life... or everything.  You know the funny thing about trials and tribulations, is that they have a way of inspiring.  The pain you feel can lead you to discover a passion or become reacquainted with an old one, to do good for someone else who is going through the same as you or ten times worse, to finally let go of all of the small things that have been plaguing you... or to play the game of your life that could add to your legacy.

I'm pretty in purple today... black and purple love no matter today's outcome.  My heart goes out to Ed Reed and his family and to anyone else going through a tragedy at this very moment.  

"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART AND LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING." ~Proverbs 3:5 *my sanity*

La Femme Fatale

(Saturday, January 8, 2011)

 "Nice = headache & irritation", quoted strongly by a friend of mine via twitter yesterday, and I agree! Why is that the case?  Why is it that just when you have decided to befriend someone and/or let your guard down, Dr. Jekyll appears?

Society is so quick to gang up against a female deemed "la femme fatale" (the fatal woman), yet the fatal, bitchy females seem to not have it so bad.  Their careers consist of head exec, "The Devil Wears Prada" positions... or some teeny-bopper network gives them their own spin-off show from the reality show that they tormented and terrorized.  Their social life is swarmed with thousands of readers, viewers, social network friends and followers who are dying to hear what the "bitch" has to say next... while their love life is full of alleged grown folks groveling at their feet trying to be the one who finds the soft spot in the wicked witch of the West.

Let's face it, the angry customer gets the store gift card while the customer who decided to let it go gets a "have a nice day", if that even.  Does all of this mean that we should revert to being evil in order to be successful in life?  Will being "the fatal woman" really bring peace and a soul mate?  Ha! I highly doubt it.  I am a strong believer in karma.  The bitch may appear to be living up all of life advantages at the moment, but stands a greater chance of ending up alone and bitter when it's all said and done.  It's just hard to stay away from "your evil side" after your kindness has been tested and taken for granted time and time again.  For instance, you're nice to a guy... you let your guard down... and then in a lot of cases... the guy gets scared of future entrapment or he realizes that he has you and doesn't see much need in continuing all of the nice things that caused you to finally let your guard down .  Sounds like a situation that could make the sweetest of the sweet become fatal.

I'm sorry society, my conscious won't let me commit to "la femme fatale" no matter how hard I try.  If being sweet and nice to someone brings headache and irritation, then take it as your body's way of telling you that they're bad for your health.  I don't know about you, but I like being happy.  My Forensics teacher in high school once told me that everyone has their days, that you never know what struggle and pain someone has endured before they crossed your path that day.  She continued to stress, to learn to let them be instead of adding to their anger to prove a point... mainly because, tomorrow you could be going through the exact same thing.  I'm sure every acclaimed diva, bitch, and femme fatale once was a sweetheart during sometime in their life... but that's just it... how strong are you really if you allow life to replace your halo with devil's horns?  If anything, it takes a more assured person to remain who they are despite everyone else.

As a result, I'll save my femme fatale nature for when it truly matters... Any other time, I am "la bien-aime", the sweetheart ;)

"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy." ~Tony Robbins