Not Like Any Other
by Alicia Williams
You see,
I don't wanna classify you as any other male...
because I don't think that you are any other male.
I don't wanna curse you out as if you were here standing in front of me, practicing my non-existent voo-doo skills on the one picture of you that I have by sticking push pins through your face...
hoping that somehow you'd feel my pain.
I don't wanna X your name out of my life completely before you even become a complete part of my life, completely magnifying or belittling my womanhood.
I don't wanna mistaken my unanswered phone calls and your misleading words of "I'll call you back" as a way of you avoiding or ignoring me.
I don't wanna assume that this is all a game of yours... and I, I am just one of many females, pawns caught up in your chess match.
Well, check mate... you see, I don't wanna have to keep checking mates to see who's real and who's authentic.
Keep checking mates for past and current loves, a trifling history or a f*cked up reputation.
I don't wanna have to keep checking mates at the door before they enter my atmosphere, my spectrum, my personal space.
Before I get caught up in drama over kings and queens in your game of chess... because I, I am about real life.
I don't wanna stereotype you... saying that you are just another squirrel trying to get a nut, screaming "niggas ain't shit!" Singing bitter love songs relating to sad stories and broken hearts, vowing to myself to never get caught up again.
I don't wanna foresee my future, knowing that you won't call me, that you'll probably stand me up.
I don't wanna lose a pre-existing friendship because of a failed relationship... while trying to lose your friend's ship at the same time, giving you and your homeboys the finger as you cruise away from this paradise.
I don't wanna think that for one minute you were just a waste of my time... another hopeless romantic moment of my life spent daydreaming about a male who was destined to do nothing for me besides more harm than good.
I don't wanna cry endless nights... better yet mornings, evenings or afternoons over you... reminiscing on what we used to be, wishing that you were still mine, feeling dumb because I allowed you to get away with murder.
I don't wanna have to go to my friends to gain moral support... get tips on how to forget about you, or to find out the scoop on the latest girl that you have been spotted with.
I don't wanna have to lie to folks, telling them that we just didn't work out in order to hide the fact that I got played... because pretty educated girls shouldn't get played...
so I hear.
The point is,
I don't wanna hurt. I don't wanna hate. I don't wanna believe that you are just like the rest of them... the rest of the millions of males out here in this world, ready to be players and heartbreakers instead of providers and lovemakers.
I don't wanna fall victim to your alleged "excellence".
I wanna know that what I witness and see as potential goodness is genuine... so I can come from behind the wall that past failures have caused me to run behind whenever the going gets tough.
I don't wanna be as hard as the bricks that I hide behind... I want to be vulnerable again and open my heart to a newness that I have yet to experience.
I don't wanna make it this far for nothing, because I have a feeling that we maybe onto something.
My intuition keeps telling me not to give up on you, even though my heart, which has been broken more than once is afraid to proceed... willing to stop at any error of yours.
I don't wanna be disappointed.
I don't wanna have to run away.
I just wanna know that this time will be different.
Together we can show other men and women that this f*cked up way of that we have of befriending and being unfriendly, which leads to passion and playing, then loving and leaving has got to stop.
I want you to respect my wishes and not be like any other man...
and I'll make a promise to you to not be like any other woman.
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