DA BRAT

On a number of occasions, I've been reminded by my mother about the crazy things that I used to do as a child.  I am constantly hearing stories of my shenanigans and mischievous ways.  One instance in particular inspired this blog entry.  This instance goes back to kindergarten when I was at the tender age of 5.  Academically, I was at the top of my class... but my behavior was another story.  Every day I'd complete my work before the majority of the class, and after doing so I would torment and pick with the other children.  And like clockwork, everyday I found myself in timeout.  I would never fuss, cry, or pout for being there; instead, I'd continue to pick with the rest of the class even more.  Had to keep herself entertained I guess.  As a result, on a daily basis I found myself with a little note being slid into my composition notebook made out to my mother.  In retrospect, is this really unruly behavior?  I wasn't causing anyone any real harm per se, despite continuing to act silly from timeout.  Or could it be that I was merely grasping the concept early on of making lemons out of lemonade.

Some people may view the type of child that I was as a brat, which is allegedly a bad behaved child.  But more specifically, a brat as we know of is someone who whines, cries, complains, and believes the world must be coming to end if they don't get their way.  If a brat is told "no", they want to know why and will bug you until they have an answer that pleases him or her.  At times, a brat is not even satisfied with a "yes" if he or she didn't appreciate the outlets that had to be taken in order to achieve that yes.  This description is sounding a bit familiar to some of you I bet.  Could you possibly be a brat? Even at this age.

  

I could even go as far as breaking up the different versions of someone who is a brat.  There are those who are spoiled brats.  These are people who expect to be spoon fed everything and would rather not lift a finger under any circumstances.  And then there are the hard-headed brats.  These are individuals who act more stubborn than the average person, not wanting anyone to tell them anything because they think that they know it all.  Most of us can find ourselves somewhere in at least one of these round-about definitions and scenarios of a brat.  So again I ask, honestly... Are you a brat?  More specifically...

ARE YOU A BRAT TO GOD?

My last question elevates the topic and is exactly where I intend to go with this particular entry.  Do we act like little brats when it comes to God?  Whining, crying, and complaining when life doesn't go our way.  we're so quick to say, "whatever", and "I don't care", getting angry and annoyed when things in life aren't going as WE planned.  This behavior is a true disrespect to the one directing our lives, monitoring, watching over, and cleaning it all up.  The one who is purposely not allowing certain situations to work out for us because they are indeed not for us.  Like a parent desperately trying to explain to their child why he or she should not do certain things because of the harm that it'll cause, we don't listen and our parent gets frustrated.  Instead of listening, we pout, get mad, and get angry.  We never understand the truth to our parents words until sadly, we have been burned.

Human beings are hard-headed by nature.  We get above ourselves when things start to go our way and start to feel as if we can do it all on our own, slipping away from the one who made things possible for us in the first place. GOD.  Life gets good, and we get greedy or get gone.  When this begins to happen, like my kindergarten teacher, God puts us in timeout.  Timeout is not a desirable place.  It is a place that gives the illusion of trials and tribulations of all sorts that we mentally believe are too heavy for us to carry.  Most often, the trials and tribulations that are associated with God's timeout are merely minor setbacks and not life downfalls.  But to us brats, we think and act as if the world is coming to its last days and we have no where to turn.  Our prayer consist of whining, doubt, and anger... questions of "why me?", instead of "thank you", "forgive me", and "I trust you". All for problems, that if we truly thought about it, are so minuscule that we could probably pull ourselves out of it if we relaxed versus panicked.

As I used to do in my aforementioned kindergarten tale, take on timeout and make the most of it.  Live it and learn from it.  You won't be in timeout forever... God just needed to open up the eyes of the brat inside of you.  We're so quick to claim that we are at peace with ourselves when things are going great, when we have finally gotten the monkey off of our back and life seems to be in place.  However, the true testament of being at peace is being at peace during life's "timeouts".  I am not saying that you can not cry to God.  God is indeed who you can let it all out to on any given day and during any given moment... but when your heart starts questioning his doing and his path for you, that is when the brat has surfaced.  Don't you dare whine and question his timing because it's not on time with yours.  I know that it is difficult, we are impatient beings... but when you find yourself always in timeout, at some point you have to evaluate your way of thinking and living.  Even I, the 5 year old who was always in timeout in school, had to eventually realize that my ways had to change.  I was better than that, there was a better me there versus being a brat.  Ask yourself "how can I be a better me mentally, physically, and spiritually?"  That is when you'll truly find peace.

"PEACE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF CONFLICT, BUT THE PRESENCE OF GOD NO MATTER WHAT THE CONFLICT." - Anonymous

For Colored Boys Only...

For Colored Boys Only

 By: Alicia Williams

Yea I know him,

He used to be a star athlete unlike any other…

Slanging balls across courts and fields, calling teammates his brother…

Stayed off of the block until Uncle Sam got his mother, then crack met her veins and the two became lovers…

So the corner recruited him, took his speed to the next level, experience turned his mother’s sweet Angel into a dope boy devil…

School became distant, even when his coaches tried to save him, as money changed hands, so did his label…

So he calls himself a hustler now… dope boy slanging…

Slanging dope on his dope corner, in his dope hood, wearing dope boys with his dope boys, slanging speech like the words of a high school drop out but smarter than the king pin is…

New found dope dealer, young leader, reciting words from Malcolm and Garvey instead of Hova and Big...

Articulating thoughts of the life he lives, being paid by an audience of listeners who call cops to shut down his shop, organizing youth interventions to get him off of their block…
 

When all he’s trying to do is feed the hunger inside of him, watch the back of the boy who claims he’ll ride or die for him, feed the mouth of the woman who loves him despite of him…

No one knows what it’s like to be a boy of the streets, fighting for life on a block so hot that it’s not safe for this feat, witnessing genocide in a hood forgotten about by peace, slaving so his seeds won’t have to bop to his beat…

Dying for any dj to give him shade from this heat…

Yea I know him, I heard he got shot seven times…

Pronounced dead by doctors, but somehow survived…

Paralyzed from the waist down, to a wheel chair confined...

Rolling around the hood as a victim, all as a result of a life of crime.

Blessed with brains and skills unlike any of his kind.
He tried to make it, but his best talent wasn’t his rhymes...

Solely dependent on lyrics and dimes.

School would’ve been his outlet if he had just given it time.
Now this dope boy is a young man searching for a life to define.

Another story of a colored boy who could've made it, but went after the wrong grind.

MY BLACK MEN... OUR YOUNG BOYS NEED MENTORS!!! #FACT.

Where's My Life Jacket?

Good day... well, evening beautiful people.  It is outside of my  normal blog hours.  I usually get randomly inspired throughout the day.  However, this particular blog entry is a little bit different.  This one didn't transpire because of a situation, tweet, or facebook status.  This one is  a little bit more personal than usual.  After all, my whole purpose of starting this blog was to release my thoughts; so why not share something with you all that has been lingering within my head in regards to... well, me.  Lately, I’ve been feeling consumed.  Consumed with what?  That I'm not exactly sure.  I don't think it's with any one thing in particular, but with life in general.  I feel myself approaching a new phase of maturity and growth.  No this isn’t due to a man or a traumatic life event, I’m just beginning to feel as if I’m over the current phase of life that I’ve been living for the past few years.  I was born and raised in Baltimore.  Went to school in D.C and have been riding the wave that is the nation's capitol for the past 8 years.  Frankly, I think I'm beginning to outgrow the Baltimore/D.C. metropolitan area.  I’m over seeing the same faces and the same people whether on a club/lounge outing, at a happy hour, during a random sight-seeing stroll, or a solo shopping venture.

One problem is that I’ve been dying for a vacation for the absolute longest.  Between my thesis which has been ridiculously drawn out by lazy professors, a track team of 30 plus high school girls that I've been running completely on my own for the past 3 years, a variety of career adventures and part-time jobs in an attempt to find my passion, volunteering once a week following long workdays, and making myself accessible to my family who resides less than 15/20 minutes away from me.... I find myself digging for time to do and discover anything truly fulfilling.  Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the busy.  I love grinding and doing things meaningful.  I completely understand that timing is everything and that God has a plan.  I LOVE my life, my friends, my family.  I LOVE my new found career in higher education.  I LOVE the girls who I coach and the lives that I've changed.  However, I think that it is time.  I can't put my finger on what it is time for exactly... but indeed it is time for a change to occur in this phase of my life.

Since graduating from Howard in 2007, I've always wanted to scratch the itch of relocating from this area.  I never had the desire to move anywhere drastically far.  I still would like to be in a 4 hour or less driving distance per say.  I have a few places in mind where I still have good friends, which honestly, the blessing that is Howard University is that I've met people who currently reside everywhere.  But the cities that I have in mind are indeed that, cities.  I am an east coast, city lights, downtown skyline type of girl.  I'd lose my mind living in the deep south for too long *straight face*.  The places I have in mind still heavily carry the things I love to do.  For instance, I consider myself a "free spirit"... an artisty/creative side resides in me that I hardly ever get to explore.  And when I do try to explore it, I have to ride solo.  I want to be in a city where I can tap into that side by attending open mic nights, live band performances, museums etc; being able to talk about and share my excitement for these things with fellow onlookers.  Finding others who are truly interested in that stuff is a difficult task.  I would basicially need to engulf myself in that scene to find a consistent partner to venture out into these things with, without feeling as if I had to coax someone into attending.  By moving to a new city, I would be forced to step outside of my comfort zone and find others with like-interest.  My friends here will NEVER be replaced but because I have a circle that I've known since high school, along with us attending college together, I feel no need to meet any new ones really.  At this age, there really isn't a need for new friends and Lord knows finding my true circle wasn't the easiet; I just have this need for new adventures.  

I love all that is Baltimore/DC.  This is a GREAT area to live in, and I would probably move back eventually.  However, I'd like to see what other cities have to offer.  At this point in my life, I have no kids, no husband, nothing tying me down.  This is the time to scratch that itch that has been bugging me since 2007.  I have a few friends who just took a chance, picked up everything and moved.  I've never been much of a risk taker in life, so doing that is honestly something very difficult for me.  I'm a Pisces.  By nature, I dream bigger than most but don't act on them.   That of course is something I'm trying to change, and I have done a good job of doing so.  Everything that I've been working towards is currently right at my fingertips... including relocating.  I somewhat attribute this strong desire that I have to move away to the strong desire that I have to simply take a long vacation.  It could be that I simply need a moment away from everything, and my inclination for relocating is me trying to escape something.  It could be that I'm trying to move away, hoping that my responsibilities will lessen.  It could be that I'm trying to move away, yearning for something different to take place in my life so that I can say that I'm doing something different this year than last.  

Everyday I find myself giving someone else encouraging words, yet I have trouble at times finding the optimism in my own situations.  I have some friends who I spoke with this about, who have said "do it!" and others who oppose... but at the end of the day, this has nothing to do with anyone but Alicia.  I may be able to find substitutes for this itch that I've been having by possibly taking a real break for once.  Something I don't know how to do well lol, actually break!  Maybe I am taking the wrong approach and jumping at it too fast... or maybe this is a part of God's plan.  Maybe this is him giving me good timing.  Here I am in other blog entries of mine, telling you all to take risks and chances while I find myself slowly trying to talk myself out of what's burning inside of me.  Ultimately, I don't know what the future holds, and I'd rather not guess.  All I can do is continue living my life the best way I know how from my 26 years of experience... of trial and error.  The only one who has an answer for this dilemma of mine, is me.  I need to honestly look within.  I've learned to embrace the wind, whichever way it blows me, and now it may be time to just jump into the waters and go where ever the river flows.  After all, I am a water sign... I swim pretty well... but everyone could use a life jacket at some point in their life.

She Say He's Just A Friend

Twitter has done it again... inspired another blog entry.  Last night I got into a conversation over twitter with one of my male followers about male/female friendships.  Throughout my life, I've heard that it is impossible for a male and female to legitimately be good friends... blasphemy almost it seems.  I beg to differ.  Indeed, I have a good male friend who is actually like a big brother to me.  Never once has he tried to date me, not during or prior to our friendship.  The thought of that happening doesn't even concern me because we truly see one another as damn near family.

What bothers me about the male/female friendship complex is that sadly, most male/female friendships aren't legit or barely exist.  My female friends and I find ourselves discussing the array of guys who you happen to become friends with, grow to believe are great men, and the coolest people.  Then suddenly the day comes when those guys admit to having a huge crush on you and force you to chose between continuing the friendship or progressing to lovers.  Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing.  This guy is someone who you yourself may have always had a liking for, but then other times not so much.  You may think that this male friend of yours who decided to confess his love for you looks great on paper, but there is simply no spark there for you.  You have honestly grown to see him as a good friend and a good friend only.  The two of you are then left in an awkward situation that leaves you sitting somewhere between guilt and disappointment, and your friend sitting somewhere between resent and embarrassment.  On your behalf, the guilt is there because you hate that you had to hurt his feelings, and disappointment because now the friendship that you appreciated so much is potentially gone.

Now I am not trying to discourage anyone from admitting their feeling to someone.  There are sooo many situations where the other person had been feeling the same way, but just didn't have the courage to say anything.  The male/female friendship complex is just an interesting one to me.  It is so hard to tell when an actual friendship exists, and when the wool is potentially being pulled over your eyes and a secret is being kept.  It can be frustrating for any man or woman who is just being introduced to the opposite sex close friend.  However, it all has to do with being secure in yourself.  If you have worries and fears, then maybe your boo isn't giving you enough assurance in your relationship as a whole.  If they were, then maybe you wouldn't be so paranoid over a friendship.  It does all stem back to being confident in yourself and trusting in your partner.

Honestly, I have dated guys where their so-called female friend(s) rubbed me the wrong way.  In order to deem someone an actual friend where attraction is not a factor, I feel that you should be able to talk to whoever you're dating on the phone or in person comfortably with your friend around.  There should not be a need to hide and/or play keep away with how deep your friendship or relationship is with anyone.  When these things don't occur smoothly, then yes, I do become like the rest of society and shun the idea of true male/female friendships.  But then I remember my own male/female friendship and all of the speculation that has occurred whenever I first start dating a guy.

As a result of all of this uncertainty that exist when it comes to male/female friendships, I have taken the liberty to compose a list of what I believe are the10 types of male friends that can and do actually exist within a female's life.  This list is not to be confused with the list of friend types in general that I've done on a previous blog of mine.  This list is more so for the public to agree or disagree.  Guys, you may fall into one or a few of these categories within the lives of female friends of yours.  And females, you maybe able to pinpoint different male friends from your own life on this list.  These 10 are not representative of all of my male friends.  It is simply the 10 I see existing in general.  They are as follows:

1. The Brother - This one is self-explanatory, and no I am not talking about a female's actual blood brother.  The brother-like friend is the one who females go to for everything.  He is the one who, outside of your female friends, knows most of your inner, deepest, darkest secrets.  The two of you probably have arguments, from time to time, like actual brothers and sister's.  You call him whenever you need that good ol' male advice and he calls you for female advice.  You call on him for mechanical questions, technology woes, and for any other facet of your life where a man's words or presence is warranted.  Your opinion of who he is dating is important to him, as his opinion is important to you.  Guys don't have to worry about the brother type taking your girl, instead it would be best for you to get the brother type on your side.  If he tells her a certain "nigga ain't sh*t!", she takes his word.  She has the utmost respect for him as if he were family.

2. The Homeboy - A female's homeboy is just that, her homeboy.  This friendship normally starts from the sharing of a common interest.  Maybe the two of you had classes together, were teammates, co-workers, hung in the same circle, or simply got to know one another through a mutual friend.  In public, it would appear that the two of you are the tightest thing walking.  He looks out for you when need be; however, the two of you don't talk outside of running into one another.  No texting, no phone conversations... only here and there hellos and funny convos over social networks and chats.  This person may always remain a homeboy because he is more than likely off limits because one of you is or was dating a friend of the other or because one of you knows that a good friend of yours is crazy about the other.   
 
3. The Best Friend - Not to be confused with the previous two, the best friend friendship often times starts with a male and female being friends by default.  By default, I mean that the two of you might've grown up together or rolled in the same neighborhood.  Growing up the two of you were always forced to befriend one another and be in each others' presence.  Maybe because your parents are such good friends whose kids happen to be around the same age, or maybe because you simply lived next door to one another and someone's household was always babysitting the other.  This friend may carry a lot of the same characteristics as the brother type; however, there is room for denial in how deep this friendship may actually be.  Would you and this person honestly be this "cool" and call one another "bestfriend" if the obligation wasn't there from the get-go?

4. The Conversationalist - Self-explanatory, this male friend is known for his excellent conversation.  Whenever you need someone to talk to, not for advice, but more so for distraction... he is the one you text/call/contact.  He answers every message at a timely manner, returns every phone call, and says all of the right things at that moment to take your mind off of whatever it is.  There maybe interest on his part, but for you it's all about his gift of gab.

5. The Girl Friend - This male friend is essentially the gay friend.  You look to him for fashion advice because in your mind, he can tell what shoes match with what dress better than any of your female friends can.  You expect him to be witty and full of personality.  You even turn to him at times to gain insight as to what goes on in the mind of a man.  He is indeed the best of both worlds.

6. The Clutch Friend - This male friend is always there when you need him.  Outside of wanting someone to talk to, this friend is there to take you out.  All you have to do is say the magic words, and he is ready to scoop you up or meet you somewhere for a night of entertainment.  He has probably expressed his motives and/or intentions with you prior to being good friends; however, you placed him in the friend zone.  You appreciate the good person that he is so much, that you refuse to let him go despite not feeling the same about him.  The clutch friend is the one who puts a smile on your face and knows how to make you feel good inside because that is a task that he welcomes on your behalf.  Guys beware, she may not like him now, but the clutch friend has the potential to win her heart the day you leave her vulnerable.

7. The Potential "more than friends" Friend - This male friend is the one who you actually could see yourself dating.  The interaction between the two of you is consistent enough to place him in the male friend category, but minimal enough to where he doesn't progress to dating-status.  For whatever reason(s), this friend is off limits as well.  Or you are afraid to admit to him why you really hang around him.  There is sort of an unspoken awkwardness here.  You don't really have too much activity with this one, but the respect is there enough to where you could ask for something if you truly needed it. 

8. The F.B. (f*ck buddy) - We're grown, so let's be honest.  This friend exists for a lot of people, male and female.  Many are even in denial about it.  This male friend is the one who has successfully attracted you physically.  The two of you fall into every stereotypical booty-call category.  This F.B. situation was either agreed on verbally by the two of you, or just somehow found a way to happen.  Sadly, a lot of times females find themselves on the bad end of the F.B. deal once feelings begin to get involved.  Having this male friend is not recommended and is highly dangerous to one's health and state of mind.

9. The Ex - Not always operating as a friend, I decided to throw the ex-boyfriend into this male friend category because he does exist.  Sometimes acting as more than a pain-in-the-butt than a friend, it is possible for a decent friendship to be established because of the history between the two of you.  This is usually only feasible when both you and your ex are honestly over one another; otherwise, this friendship is full of jealousy and bitterness.  If successfully pulled off, the ex as a friend can serve as a good stepping stone for future relationships as long as you are completely honest with your future partner about the extent of you and your ex's friendship.

10. The All In One - Fellas, I must warn you... be afraid of this friend... be very afraid!  Ok, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic.  But this friend encompasses all of the traits of the aforementioned male friends (maybe not the girl friend or the Ex).  He acts like a brother, a homeboy, and a best friend all in one.  He always comes through in the clutch with whatever you need, and he is excellent on paper in regards to being someone you would actually date.  If you are to develop an actual relationship from a true friendship, the all-in-one type may be the perfect candidate one day.  The only bad part is that once you cross that friendship line, if it fails, there may never be any going back to actual good friends.

It's a Different World... Than Where We Come From!

I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was a crisp and cool Fall evening.  Me and about 10 other classmates of mine sat bored to death in a Public Relations course being held in a small classroom in the Liberal Arts building of Towson University.  Towson, a predominantly white public institution, has been branded as one of the better schools for a quality education in the state of Maryland... but this is debatable in my eyes after the ordeals I've had to face there as a graduate student.  Anywho, my professor (who shall remain nameless) began talking about colleges and universities in the PR world.  My classmate, a graduate of Morgan State University, raised his hand and began to so very eloquently discuss the lack of media attention that H.B.C.U's receive.  My professor sat atop one of the desk in the room with a puzzled look as my classmate continued to speak, puzzled as if he were trying to decipher the language that my classmate was speaking.  Then my professor, a man who has been a professor for years, a man who carries a Ph.D, waited until my classmate finished, then asked... "what are H.C.B.B.U's? Did I say it correctly?"  NO YOU DID NOT SIR!  I know my face dropped, as did my classmate who had just finished speaking.  My other classmates weren't phased by this ridiculous question that a man who carries a Ph.D and stands as a professor of higher-ed in a state that is home to 3, basically 4 if you count Howard since it's in DC, historically black colleges and universities.  In a class of about 12, there were only 2 of us who where black, and we both coincidentally attended H.B.C.U's.  I, Howard, and him Morgan.  Offended, appalled, confused... I'm not sure how I felt.  But at that point, he completely lost any and all credibility and respect from me.

Yesterday, my Alma mater, the illustrious Howard University turned 144 years old.  Standing only one year younger than Towson University where my ill-knowledged professor taught, and where I now attend to for my Master's degree.  This blog entry is obviously dedicated to historically black colleges and universities.  Oh how I love them!  In high school, I remember wanting to attend the huge predominantly white institutions off of the mere fact that their basketball teams made the NCAA tourney.  Then in my sophomore year, I went on a visit to Hampton Institute (haha) and fell in love with the black college world.  I immediately went home and begin to research H.B.C.U's.  I talked to my mother about it, and she went out and got me a book that listed every HBCU in the nation and its information.  The more I broke down my criteria for my college education and researched, the more I realized which one was best for me.  This led to thee BEST decision I've made thus far in my life... to attend Howard University.  

Aside from loving my alma mater, I am in love with historically black colleges and universities and what they represent.  And my experiences at Towson have solidified those feelings.  I remember getting into deep conversations in high school where "friends" of mine would say dumb things like

"you can't get the real world experience at a black school".  

Now I'm not one who folds under peer pressure, so I wasn't phased.  I was more so amused by the stupidity.   I was completely confident in my choice despite the critics.  Plus I had wonderful family support in wanting to attend Howard.  I come from a family of HBCU graduates.  My mother, Coppin State University, my aunt and other cousins, North Carolina Central University, cousins on my mom's side, North Carolina A & T, cousins on my dad side, Morgan State University... and the lineage continues with my younger cousins and little sister.  HBCU's carry real world qualities that are damn near impossible to achieve at predominantly white institutions.

My professors at Howard could tell it like it is!
 

There was no sugar-coating for the sake of someone being offended in my college classrooms.  No dancing around a topic like I have experienced in my classes at Towson where everyone is afraid to talk because they don't want to offend the black kids.  Or I received the extreme opposite at times, where they would say whatever the hell they felt like saying with no respect for other ethnicities.  My professors would tell us straight up what we may have to face because of the color of our skin in the working world, and how to not lose ourselves and our integrity because of it.  My professors allowed us to come to their offices and just talk about life, ask questions, discuss any and every thing without passing judgment.  My professors, my counselors, my career advisers, did everything in their power to make sure we were trained to be better than the next, white or black.  They helped us get those internships and jobs through personal connections.  

I wrote an article while at Howard for Black College View's online newspaper about predominantly black institutions versus predominantly black ones; therefore, I ended up having to interview various students.  I interviewed teammates of mine who transferred from the big white schools, one the University of Tennessee and one the University of Pittsburgh.  I also interviewed a white guy on campus who was fairly popular and a member of the swim team.  My teammates explained how transferring to Howard was the best decision that they could've made.  That their professors and counselors at Howard all acted as if they really wanted them to do well and succeed while they received no sort of guidance at their former schools.  On the contrary, in talking to the white student, he felt that he was treated differently because he was white.  He felt that students looked at him funny on a daily basis.  I sympathized with him to an extent, but I also thought "welcome to our world on a daily basis." 

Oddly enough, that young man ended up transferring.  Not all HBCU's have a mix of students.  We did because the graduate programs and schools that we had, along with our hospital.  But regardless of the student mix, the faculty help is there.  You can always find someone willing to be in your corner for the long run.  I am now in my final year at Towson (I pray), and I recently ran into a situation where I needed a new chair for my thesis.  I could not get a professor, a director, anyone to answer any of my emails or phone calls for help.  For weeks I tried.  Then I finally scrolled through the faculty list, and emailed the ONE black professor in my department... who also received her Ph.D for an HBCU (HU *toot*toot).  After nearly a month of trying to get someone to help me, the one black professor responded to email in less than 24hours.  Everything continues to add to my beliefs.  Now I'm not saying you must attend an HBCU for all levels of your education, but having it in there somewhere can be life changing.  It's a true college experience.

Coming from an HBCU I feel more confident in myself and my abilities.  I understand how important it is to maintain my integrity and how my color is sometimes a factor, yet I can not let that get to my head.  In high school, I went through the same stigmas in attending an all-girl school.  The notion that I was somehow "missing out" on the real world.  But what people fail to understand is that being in a situation where you are not the minority for once is empowering.  The self-esteem that you gain and pride that you attain is remarkable.  According to the public, I shouldn't have any idea of how to handle the real world.   Poor Alicia, went to an all girl, then an all black school.  Yea right, I know how to handle situations better than most.  And now I am a professor myself, determined to give my students the support that I received at Howard and didn't receive at Towson. 

My friends, graduates of schools where they were the majority are killing the friends of mine who went with the "real world".  Just as in the "real world" your left to fend for yourself.  So they're still digging, trying to figure out how to get to the top, while my friends and I were shown how to duck and dodge, and make it there.  We were taught that mediocre is NOT an option.  You CAN and you WILL do BETTER.  Of course, all that I say here doesn't apply to every person and every situation.  I know people doing great things on all ends, black and white schools... but getting help a long the way is never a bad thing.  It just bothers me when I hear black adults today say that they don't want their kids attending a black school.  How dare you be a black person and look down on what your people have built so that your kids even have a choice of education today?  If blacks schools aren't your thing, then so be it but do not dare belittle all of them because of your own ignorance.  These HBCU's were at the forefront of producing a lot of the civil rights movements and great leaders that changed this country.  So here I stand as a proud graduate and supporter of an historically black college and university.  Happy Belated Birthday Howard University.  HBCU's I salute you!

List of HBCU's -- White House Initiatve

http://www2.ed.gov/about/inits/list/whhbcu/edlite-list.html

Written by a Woman, Dark Brown

Staring Back At Me

By Alicia Williams

So there's this sister... always staring at me.

Smiling happily through glorious moments of my life.

Crying with me when my heart hurts, trying desperately not to shed a tear.

This sister, who seems to know my every secret... from my deepest emotion to my most elusive fear.

Said to be birthed in the motherland but given to the world directly from the heavens. 

A sister whose womb once rested at the forefront of many nations... from the pyramids of Egypt, to the apartheid in South Africa, to the carnivals throughout the West Indies and South American countries that supplied the hands who built the American soil that we stand on.

So there's this sister...

Pushed so far out in the fields of slavery that her constant push in helping others escape to freedom was barely noticed.  Her hands bruised and battered from digging and picking, sitting amidst the animals as if she were one, with strength unlike any other woman.  

Serving as the driving force to her people's survival for a long-lasting lineage.

So there's this sister... 

Civil righteous to the bone.

Standing front line on the picket line, at the counter conducting sit-ins, facing the sheets of Klan's men... not afraid to state her claim for peace and equality.  The future bearer of a black panther village, from an afro-pic to a hot comb, always dressed and prepped for the fight of her life.

So there's this sister...

Funky and hip.  The hippest foxy brown diva, yo-yo girl, bootylicious bombshell strolling around her way as an around the way girl.

Intimidating to females because her vibe packed punches.  Over-analyzed by her male counterparts who couldn't seem to figure out how a woman of this color could be so damn fine.  Bashed by boriquas and redbones, facing words from those who were only a sun ray away from matching her mahogany.  

So there's this sister...

Called black, and dark when chocolate and brown justify the truth of her skin tone.

Beautiful and brown, skin rich and milky like the coco swirl to a caffeinated mixture.

Eyes slanted, pupils piercing any and every soul that dare glares back at her.

A physique mimicking that of a coke bottle... not too wide in the hips or busty in her breast, lean and mean but curvy enough to attract attention from the likes of any and every.

So there's this sister...

Ridiculed for centuries because God blessed her with a sun kissed complexion, 

Full of simplified complexities despite societies persistence to make her appear more complicated than she really is.

A sister who's told how beautiful of a "dark skinned" woman she is as if beauty of her kind doesn't come around often... when her kind of beauty is unmatched

A sister who's color has always been a topic of discussion... whose looks are exotic, skin flawless, beauty breath taking.

Telling me her story every time I look into her face... sharing all of the history that lies in her shade of brown.

Reminding me of how gorgeous I am when the world tries to shun me for a uniqueness I am in love with.  

A skin that history has proven to be tough... that is sometimes forgotten about and belittled for shallow and unintelligent reasons.

So there's this sister...

Who loves me for who I am, appreciative of what God has created.  

A sister who I thank... For her beauty is my beauty.  

A sister whose past will forever be embedded into my soul and nature of existence will forever fill my heart.

A sister who I too am staring at... For I am the beautiful dark brown, chocolate sister staring back at me.

Bet My Cloud Is Bigger Than Your Cloud!

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." ~ Maya Angelou

HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! I feel as if it's been so long since we've spoken.  Comcast finally caught on to my illegal internet usage and locked the connection.   This is why I've been m.i.a. from blogging.  Today, I strapped up with my laptop at hand, found free wifi, a quiet corner (well, it was quiet sometimes), a plug, a desk, and inspiration to write.  It's another manic Monday, which we all like to call the dreaded first day of the official work week.  On top of it being Monday, it's gloomy out, warm, but gloomy.  It's been raining for majority of the day and the sky has been filled with these huge black clouds that appear as if they're going to release a vicious storm anytime now.  For me, today was supposed to be a day of relaxation.  Life gets so busy and hectic that I'm hardly ever able to truly take a moment to myself.  So I decided to make today that day, gloomy or not.  I don't have track with the kiddies, and I decided to cancel class today seeing that my students just took a quiz on Friday.  Of course there were still a few errands to run and things to be tended to, but ultimately I have most of today to do as I please.

Late this morning, prior to the rain falling, I made a Walmart trip (Walmart always seems to find a way into my day).  As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed this huge, dark, highly intimidating cloud hovering over my current space.  It was very humid outside and to my knowledge, humidity plus rain clouds equal horrible thunderstorms... tornados even.  I immediately started to hurry and try to park, grab my things, and frantically scurry into the Walmart.  I watched as everyone else in the parking lot had the same idea.  Folks were running to their cars and to the inside of the store as if we were on the verge of a hurricane of some sort... all trying to avoid a storm that hadn't even approached yet.  Regardless of the weather, I had things that I needed to do.  I refused to spend a good part of my morning aimlessly roaming around Walmart waiting for a storm to pass.  If it were going to rain, then so be it.  I had an umbrella, and legs to keep me moving, so as far as I was concerned I was good to go. 

While carrying out my errands amidst this imminent storm, it made me think about something interesting.  As human beings, we are always trying to out run, hide from, or avoid a storm.  As soon as we see a cloud approaching, we suddenly go into a state of panic and shock, losing our head, focus, and sense of how to continue carrying out things in our lives.  We become so worried that it's going to rain on our head that we give up on tasks that we originally intended to complete and that we know we need to.  This applies to a storm in every sense... from an actual rain storm to life's trials and tribulations also known as storms.  Just as with an actual rain storm, no matter how much we try to run and avoid the storm it stills comes if it's supposed to.  And if we are in its path, then we will have to deal with it and attempt to continue our schedule as planned.  Putting your life on hold just because the sky gets cloudy makes absolutely no sense to me, and shouldn't make any sense to you either.  Why  is it that we do this with life storms?  Put our life on hold ya know.  But then once the storm has passed and the sun is shining, we can not truly enjoy the sunlight because we are now having to still carry out the remainder of the task and obligations that we put on hold when the dark cloud showed up.

To make matters worse, we act as if when it rains that the dark cloud is solely hanging over our head and no one else's.  As if everyone is supposed to give us pass after pass for being bitchy, cranky, moody, or melancholy because it's our particular forecast is gloomy at the moment.  Now this is not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes people do simply need their space when it's raining where they are, allow them to deal with their storm how they please... but my pass has a limit.  Go ahead and offer an umbrella.  Rihanna actually had a point when she offered her umbrella-ella-eh-eh to a friend in a rain storm.  Wouldn't you in real life?  In a real storm?  However, don't use your friend and family's understanding heart and hand to capitalize on your "oh woe is me" moments.  Meaning don't take advantage of others' empathy for you or next time when your storm approaches, they won't be so keen to offering you their umbrellas.  Whether intentionally or intentionally, we have a tendency to put what it is that we are dealing with on others as if they could possibly not be facing a storm themselves.  We do this not knowing that we could potentially be adding another cloud to someone else's rain storm.   

Besides, rain can be a beautiful thing. 

It provides food and nourishment to the crops we eat and the flowers us females yearn for on special occasions.  It keeps our reservoirs and lakes filled to provide our drain systems with the water that we cook, clean, and bathe with.  Rain cools us off on those ridiculously humid and hot Summer days when nothing else seems to be working.  Water is what makes our beaches beautiful that we like to visit during spring breaks and other vacations.  Right now, as I type, it is still rainy... still cloudy... still dark and gloomy... but my day must go on.  While walking across the parking lot, I realized the goodness of my day despite the weather.  It's still warm out. I'm still off from work. I still have transportation and good health to even carry out these errands of mine.  And the cloud that rested above my head earlier, actually brought with it a nice breeze that blew from time to time... cooling me off when I got a little overheated from rushing for no reason.

The moral of the story is to embrace the stormy weather when it comes.  You know eventually the sun will shine and the clouds will past.  No matter how you deal with stormy weather, it is inevitable.  It's going to come from time to time whether you like or not.  Instead of always trying to run from the storm and rain, learn how to embrace it.  When dealing with a storm, you want to look at your life for the pluses that still remain.  Look at the light that is still there and try to see God's lesson in living and reason for the rain in the midst of it all.

I have seen quite a few rainy days... but looking at the bigger picture, my life has seen and will continue to see sunshine that is more powerful than any rain storm.  I have full trust in God's plan, whatever it may be.  Yes, at times it is hard to deal with the journey.  Yes, there's a lot that we don't understand, that we shouldn't expect to while the lesson is still in the works.  As long as you know that one day you will.  The sooner you embrace yourself and your forecast, the sooner that day will come.  Look at all that you've overcome thus far, the storms that you have successfully rode out.  You have survived, so there's no need to keep running from storms.  You simply can not outrun them or believe that you can go into hiding with hopes that they'll disappear.  It just won't happen.  That's not how God's forecast works.  There's no need walking around as if the storm cloud is only over your head.  It's raining up and down the east coast as I sit here.  So I challenge you, to grab an umbrella, put on your rain boots, and embrace the rain.  We wouldn't appreciate sunlight like we do if it were always here.  Oddly, there's a peace in the clouds.  Your day will go on with or without you.  Today, I'm turning off my cell phone and embracing the rain storm. 

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

A MUST READ !!!
~quoted from Maya Angelou

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.  I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.  I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.  I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."  I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.  I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.  I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.  I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.  I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.  I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.  I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Get down girl, Go 'head get down

 Pretty college girls want to be sponsored these days!  The degree is just an accessory I'm learning, like the latest D&G bag.

Last night... while playing around on the usual social networks, I found myself dissecting the pages of a few friends from high school... female friends.  It feels weird calling some of them friends, when we haven't really spoken since high school/our early college years.  Some I'm not sure if we have ever spoken at all.  Regardless, I'm always game for a good photo album... especially when it comes to folks I rarely run across.  It heightens my curiosity of "where are they now?"  I looked through photos of these young ladies in very high-end and fabulous clothing, Gucci and Loub shoes (from sneakers to stilettos), overpriced Indian remy extensions and faces completely beat with make-up products.  All of whom carried a different Louis V, Marc Jacobs', or Dolce & Gabanna bag in every pic, posing with the "who's who" of make-up artists, hair stylists, promoters, photographers, etc.  But what sparked a blog entry was the absence of employment...  the "Five Star", "Baddest Bitch" captions... the stuck up behavior from people who weren't this way prior.  Fashion lovers?  Hmm, probably. 

But there lies a thin line between loving fashion and trying to be someone you're not.

Oddly enough, none of these young ladies are or have ever been runway models, Hollywood actresses, or celebrities of any kind.  They don't work in the fashion and/or entertainment industry where they have easy access to the hottest commodities.  They don't have six-figure corporate or government jobs, or own their own REAL businesses.  And sadly, most proudly admit to living this seemingly luxurious lifestyle while being unemployed, bragging about it as if they want the world to know or believe that these things are just being given to them for no reason at all.  These ladies die for exclusivity, even down to their new found circle of friends who serve as carbon copies and play things.  These ladies don't come from wealthy families where they're deemed a mini-socialite.  Not all, but most come from  families who are more mediocre than average... all chasing this "it girl" lifestyle clueless and inhibited.  This crazy hoopla of taking being fancy to the furthest extreme, led me to ask myself a few questions...

One, who is paying for these ridiculously expensive things?  
Two, who is paying for these ridiculously expensive things?  
Three, who is paying for these ridiculously expensive things?  
And Four, what are you doing/giving up for them to be paying for these ridiculously expensive things?  

The weekly weekend trips, the frequent international travel, the bags and shoes priced over $1000... there is not enough saving that one person can do per month where living jobless on his or her's own can afford this lifestyle.  I love seeing young and successful, black urban professionals... I do.  And I'm trying my best to stay away from hating and away from the assumptions floating around in my head that suggest foul play and demeaning activity.  Honestly, I hope that what I think is the case is completely not true.  I understand the love and desire for a luxurious, travel and fashion frenzied lifestyle.  I too love those things... love, love, love.  I have two big closets overflowing with clothes and shoes, drawers and cabinets full of jewelry, and a dresser and chest about to burst because of the amount of clothing stuffed in them.  I am also a lover of travel and fine things, and a bonafide fashion junkie from the root of my salon styled hair to my manicured cuticles.  But I work, proudly.  Two jobs, on top of grad school, volunteering and tutoring.  I'm not at that luxurious lifestyle just yet, but I'm pretty happy with where I am as far as longevity is concerned at 25.  Oh the luxury is imminent.  I know many females who are my age already indulging in this sought-after lifestyle, but they are employed, being paid well, saving religiously, getting family support, and creating this life for themselves through their own career and/or academic means.  But for these ladies who are participating in this lifestyle through game-participation, I don't understand your plan.  What purpose are you bringing to your life, allegedly top-notch while serving as someone else's accessory for the time being?

Why is it so important that you appear to be "that girl" living "that lifestyle" anyway?   And then you have the nerve to be flaky to folks?

I look at these girls, and I automatically think "video something".  My brain can not understand how someone who is allegedly self-employed or making the same amount of money as my friends and I, is able to maintain this lifestyle that she's portraying via social networks.  Is having a college degree not enough towards believing in your own abilities, aside from getting all dolled up?  The insecurity that's there is evident, even in the most seemingly confident female yearning for this lifestyle.  Using material things to fill in a hole where something of substance needs to be is what triggers the "I'm better than you" attitude in the first place.  This is what truly makes this whole situation get under my skin, the fact that most of these ladies walk around as if no one else in the world matters.  I've run into and have had encounters with a few former classmates of mine, some who I once considered friends, now barely speaking in passing.  The worst thing a person can do is become brand new when they feel as if they're on top.  Why?  Because life/God will eventually step in, pull you off of your high horse and bring you back to reality.  Do these women honestly believe that they will always have things handed to them?  That it's okay to treat people any kind of way?  Most of these ladies even, are one cookie away from being overweight, obese, robust... not average, just how they like it (sarcasm alert!).  The day that happens, these guys will no longer want to take them on trips, and will move on to another accessory trying to get chose.  And when that happens, these ladies will be starting from scratch... trying to make something happen for themselves while everyone else around them is already on the up and up. 

Instead of trying to acquire and maintain a status that is not applicable to the state of your life, why not try to acquire and maintain ends that will have you living this life by your own means?  Instead of living off of someone else's brand, i.e. a wealthy man or homegirl, why not work on building your own brand?  If you're traveling the world, then take the time to become fluent in a language and make something more of yourself.  Instead of living life recklessly for the short-run, why not continue your education and build your funds to be living this lifestyle in the long run?  If you have all of this free time to be lounging and randomly traveling, why not volunteer and do something for you community from time to time?  Why do all of the wrong things to be v.i.p, when honestly, it's really not that hard to be v.i.p. on any given night if you are a pretty female... the personal invitations will come, yes.  But where you go from there depends on where you're classified amidst this blog entry.  

The truth is, as women society has taught us that we have "to use what we got, to get what we want".  And realistically, attractiveness goes a long way but there's always going to be someone pretty.  You have to have something else to back it up, especially if you claim to be a "Five Star" or a "Dime"... points come from all facets.  Choose your poison.  I personally prefer wit and being deemed a sweetheart.  And that is not to be confused with pretending to be America's sweetheart for the sake of your image when you barely speak to anyone who you consider out of your circle... that's called being flaky my dear.  BUT as we all know, to each it's own or I wouldn't have written this blog.  In the words of Kanye West, "get down girl, go 'head get down"... just hopefully not in the literal sense. #imjustsaying

"Happiness blooms in the presence of self-respect and the absence of ego." ~Anonymous

...Still On My Poetry Tip.

My journal trips brought me to more poetry... my flow from the past.  I DIG IT, as will you ;)

Not Like Any Other

by Alicia Williams

You see,

I don't wanna classify you as any other male...

because I don't think that you are any other male.

I don't wanna curse you out as if you were here standing in front of me, practicing my non-existent voo-doo skills on the one picture of you that I have by sticking push pins through your face... 

hoping that somehow you'd feel my pain.

I don't wanna X your name out of my life completely before you even become a complete part of my life, completely magnifying or belittling my womanhood.

I don't wanna mistaken my unanswered phone calls and your misleading words of "I'll call you back" as a way of you avoiding or ignoring me.

I don't wanna assume that this is all a game of yours... and I, I am just one of many females, pawns caught up in your chess match.

Well, check mate... you see, I don't wanna have to keep checking mates to see who's real and who's authentic.

Keep checking mates for past and current loves, a trifling history or a f*cked up reputation.

I don't wanna have to keep checking mates at the door before they enter my atmosphere, my spectrum, my personal space.

Before I get caught up in drama over kings and queens in your game of chess... because I, I am about real life.

I don't wanna stereotype you... saying that you are just another squirrel trying to get a nut, screaming "niggas ain't shit!"  Singing bitter love songs relating to sad stories and broken hearts, vowing to myself to never get caught up again.

I don't wanna foresee my future, knowing that you won't call me, that you'll probably stand me up.

I don't wanna lose a pre-existing friendship because of a failed relationship... while trying to lose your friend's ship at the same time, giving you and your homeboys the finger as you cruise away from this paradise.

I don't wanna think that for one minute you were just a waste of my time... another hopeless romantic moment of my life spent daydreaming about a male who was destined to do nothing for me besides more harm than good.

I don't wanna cry endless nights... better yet mornings, evenings or afternoons over you... reminiscing on what we used to be, wishing that you were still mine, feeling dumb because I allowed you to get away with murder.

I don't wanna have to go to my friends to gain moral support... get tips on how to forget about you, or to find out the scoop on the latest girl that you have been spotted with.

I don't wanna have to lie to folks, telling them that we just didn't work out in order to hide the fact that I got played... because pretty educated girls shouldn't get played... 

so I hear.

The point is, 

I don't wanna hurt. I don't wanna hate. I don't wanna believe that you are just like the rest of them... the rest of the millions of males out here in this world, ready to be players and heartbreakers instead of providers and lovemakers.

I don't wanna fall victim to your alleged "excellence".

I wanna know that what I witness and see as potential goodness is genuine... so I can come from behind the wall that past failures have caused me to run behind whenever the going gets tough.

I don't wanna be as hard as the bricks that I hide behind... I want to be vulnerable again and open my heart to a newness that I have yet to experience.
 

I don't wanna make it this far for nothing, because I have a feeling that we maybe onto something.

My intuition keeps telling me not to give up on you, even though my heart, which has been broken more than once is afraid to proceed... willing to stop at any error of yours.

I don't wanna be disappointed.

I don't wanna have to run away.

I just wanna know that this time will be different.

Together we can show other men and women that this f*cked up way of that we have of befriending and being unfriendly, which leads to passion and playing, then loving and leaving has got to stop.

I want you to respect my wishes and not be like any other man...

and I'll make a promise to you to not be like any other woman.

Journal tripping on my poetry tip...

Sitting in my house going through old journals again... Enjoy me while I'm on my poetry tip.

Mr. Right 4Me

by Alicia Williams 

The right man for you is the one who makes your heart skip beats.

The one who yearns to take you out just to show you off in the streets.

The one who does everything for you without even asking.

The one who knows what buttons make you angry, and which ones keep you laughing.

The right man for you is the one who holds you tight after making love.

The one who is plus 10, times 2, and 110% of the man you dreamed of.

The right man is the one who calls your phone as often as he can.

The one who knows that telling you when he misses you doesn't make him any less of a man.

The one who showers you with hugs and kisses with any chance that he gets.

The one who confesses to you how much he loves you as if you'd ever forget.

The right man for you is the one who doesn't mind putting his woman first.

The one who understands Alicia Keys when she describes a "woman's worth".

The right man for you is the one who tries his best to listen to and take care of your most important needs.

The one who one day plans to ask for your hand in marriage and yearns for you to bear his seed.

The one who has no problem saying that he adores you for who you are and fills the inner you with praise.

The one who's quick to remind you of your beauty whether on your best or worst days.

The right man for who is the one who God sends just when the wrong man has brought you to the end of your nerve.

The one who will fit your own criteria and be just who you deserve. 

The one who is respected and cherished by your family and friends.

The one who would never voluntarily leave you because you're the right woman for him.

 The right man for you, you'll love indefinitely and be completely infatuated with.

The one who you will appreciate even more the day you realize that he does exist.