Good day... well, evening beautiful people. It is outside of my normal blog hours. I usually get randomly inspired throughout the day. However, this particular blog entry is a little bit different. This one didn't transpire because of a situation, tweet, or facebook status. This one is a little bit more personal than usual. After all, my whole purpose of starting this blog was to release my thoughts; so why not share something with you all that has been lingering within my head in regards to... well, me. Lately, I’ve been feeling consumed. Consumed with what? That I'm not exactly sure. I don't think it's with any one thing in particular, but with life in general. I feel myself approaching a new phase of maturity and growth. No this isn’t due to a man or a traumatic life event, I’m just beginning to feel as if I’m over the current phase of life that I’ve been living for the past few years. I was born and raised in Baltimore. Went to school in D.C and have been riding the wave that is the nation's capitol for the past 8 years. Frankly, I think I'm beginning to outgrow the Baltimore/D.C. metropolitan area. I’m over seeing the same faces and the same people whether on a club/lounge outing, at a happy hour, during a random sight-seeing stroll, or a solo shopping venture.
One problem is that I’ve been dying for a vacation for the absolute longest. Between my thesis which has been ridiculously drawn out by lazy professors, a track team of 30 plus high school girls that I've been running completely on my own for the past 3 years, a variety of career adventures and part-time jobs in an attempt to find my passion, volunteering once a week following long workdays, and making myself accessible to my family who resides less than 15/20 minutes away from me.... I find myself digging for time to do and discover anything truly fulfilling. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the busy. I love grinding and doing things meaningful. I completely understand that timing is everything and that God has a plan. I LOVE my life, my friends, my family. I LOVE my new found career in higher education. I LOVE the girls who I coach and the lives that I've changed. However, I think that it is time. I can't put my finger on what it is time for exactly... but indeed it is time for a change to occur in this phase of my life.
Since graduating from Howard in 2007, I've always wanted to scratch the itch of relocating from this area. I never had the desire to move anywhere drastically far. I still would like to be in a 4 hour or less driving distance per say. I have a few places in mind where I still have good friends, which honestly, the blessing that is Howard University is that I've met people who currently reside everywhere. But the cities that I have in mind are indeed that, cities. I am an east coast, city lights, downtown skyline type of girl. I'd lose my mind living in the deep south for too long *straight face*. The places I have in mind still heavily carry the things I love to do. For instance, I consider myself a "free spirit"... an artisty/creative side resides in me that I hardly ever get to explore. And when I do try to explore it, I have to ride solo. I want to be in a city where I can tap into that side by attending open mic nights, live band performances, museums etc; being able to talk about and share my excitement for these things with fellow onlookers. Finding others who are truly interested in that stuff is a difficult task. I would basicially need to engulf myself in that scene to find a consistent partner to venture out into these things with, without feeling as if I had to coax someone into attending. By moving to a new city, I would be forced to step outside of my comfort zone and find others with like-interest. My friends here will NEVER be replaced but because I have a circle that I've known since high school, along with us attending college together, I feel no need to meet any new ones really. At this age, there really isn't a need for new friends and Lord knows finding my true circle wasn't the easiet; I just have this need for new adventures.
I love all that is Baltimore/DC. This is a GREAT area to live in, and I would probably move back eventually. However, I'd like to see what other cities have to offer. At this point in my life, I have no kids, no husband, nothing tying me down. This is the time to scratch that itch that has been bugging me since 2007. I have a few friends who just took a chance, picked up everything and moved. I've never been much of a risk taker in life, so doing that is honestly something very difficult for me. I'm a Pisces. By nature, I dream bigger than most but don't act on them. That of course is something I'm trying to change, and I have done a good job of doing so. Everything that I've been working towards is currently right at my fingertips... including relocating. I somewhat attribute this strong desire that I have to move away to the strong desire that I have to simply take a long vacation. It could be that I simply need a moment away from everything, and my inclination for relocating is me trying to escape something. It could be that I'm trying to move away, hoping that my responsibilities will lessen. It could be that I'm trying to move away, yearning for something different to take place in my life so that I can say that I'm doing something different this year than last.
Everyday I find myself giving someone else encouraging words, yet I have trouble at times finding the optimism in my own situations. I have some friends who I spoke with this about, who have said "do it!" and others who oppose... but at the end of the day, this has nothing to do with anyone but Alicia. I may be able to find substitutes for this itch that I've been having by possibly taking a real break for once. Something I don't know how to do well lol, actually break! Maybe I am taking the wrong approach and jumping at it too fast... or maybe this is a part of God's plan. Maybe this is him giving me good timing. Here I am in other blog entries of mine, telling you all to take risks and chances while I find myself slowly trying to talk myself out of what's burning inside of me. Ultimately, I don't know what the future holds, and I'd rather not guess. All I can do is continue living my life the best way I know how from my 26 years of experience... of trial and error. The only one who has an answer for this dilemma of mine, is me. I need to honestly look within. I've learned to embrace the wind, whichever way it blows me, and now it may be time to just jump into the waters and go where ever the river flows. After all, I am a water sign... I swim pretty well... but everyone could use a life jacket at some point in their life.
